


In certain light I can plainly see a reflection of magnificence hidden in you (maybe even in me)

by seeltz



Series: Chasing the sunlight in me [1]
Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bang Chan & Han Jisung | Han are Best Friends, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Han Jisung | Han & Seo Changbin are Best Friends, Han Jisung | Han is Whipped, Han Jisung | Han-centric, Kim Seungmin & Yang Jeongin | I.N are Best Friends, Light Angst, M/M, Rare Pairings, Strangers to Lovers, There’s very much cursing, Yang Jeongin | I.N is Whipped, Yang Jeongin | I.N is a Sweetheart, be aware of that children, did i mention the fluff?, friendship!, i think, no beta we die like men, sad but make it poetic (story of my life), so much fluff wtf
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-25
Updated: 2020-08-02
Packaged: 2021-03-06 06:47:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 40,925
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25509223
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/seeltz/pseuds/seeltz
Summary: Some days you don’t feel anything at all. Some days you feel everything all at once. Some days it feels like nothing will ever work out.Jisung is stuck in his head and he is reaching his breaking point. When things get too much he falls apart in the arms of a pretty stranger.The bright eyed stranger decides to stay in Jisungs life.
Relationships: Han Jisung | Han/Yang Jeongin | I.N
Series: Chasing the sunlight in me [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1848349
Comments: 20
Kudos: 91
Collections: fav





	1. CHAPTER ONE (Heavy - Linkin Part feat. Kiiara)

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, my dudes. This is the first work I posted, so buckle up for a wild ride! If some of you notice mistakes in therms of spelling or grammar please tell me (I beg you), and please forgive me (English isn’t my first language...). Also I’m trying to redeem myself from that one shitty novel I wrote in 8th grade. Anyways! I’m glad you’re here!
> 
> Honestly this fandom is in dire need of some rare pair fics so I decided to contribute my piece of cake to the cause!
> 
> Enjoy!!

He needed to get out of the house. Jisung reached his breaking point. He spent the last few months completely alone, his classes were taking a toll on him as he couldn’t get up to actually do his course work and spent his days numbly staring at the walls and thinking of everything and nothing all at once.

Sitting here, in the middle of the night and the walls were coming closer and closer to him by the second. It felt to him as if the darkness around him fed off of the darkness inside him. Jisung was sitting on the ground, directly in front of his couch but he just couldn’t get himself to move. His hands were shaking. Jisung closed his eyes. He leaned his head on his knees and wrapped his hands around his legs, to hopefully make the shaking stop.

 _Breathe,_ he told himself. _Just breathe. It’ll be alright._ _Everything will be just fine._ He tried taking a deep breath. But the air wouldn’t fully come trough his clenched throat, so he just took short, shaking gasps in an attempt to calm himself. Outside there was screaming.  
 _It’s just drunk people. Calm down. Breathe._ But he couldn’t. He lifted his head to look outside the window and there he focused on the ugly, muted yellow light of the streetlamp. Slowly he tried standing up. He gripped the sofa to steady himself and stumbled towards the window while leaning on the walls. His limbs felt heavy.He ripped the window open, the cold outside air left his arms covered in goosebumps. To Jisung the shockingly freezing autumn night air was like a relief, a short breath of calm for his clamming hands and burning, hot skin. Just for a moment.

He needed to get out. Slowly he turned away from the window and started running towards the door. He barely grabbed his keys and ran. He kept on running. He ran like someone was chasing him. As if he was trying to run away from himself. As if he was trying to run away from his bitter thoughts. As if he could run away from everything inside of him. He knew he never could but at least he could try. He had to. He _needed_ to.

He felt the cold ground beneath his feet and the wind brushing the bare skin on his arms and face.

 _Stop._ Panting he finally stood still. Looking around he realised he had no idea where he was but that didn’t bother him. He just needed to feel the cold air on his skin. In his lungs. In his soul. He needed to cool down. Leaning his hands on his knees he suddenly got the urge to scream and shout and let it all out.

“ _Why?_ Why _me?_ Why did it need to be me? Why does everything fucking feel like that.”, his voice echoed through the streets. All his shouting would probably disturb somebody but the pressure in Jisungs chest started chocking him again and he just wanted it _out. He had to get it out._

“Can’t you just fucking leave me alone. I just want some goddamn, fucking piece of mind. I just want to finally fucking feel FINE. And it’s ridiculous because I know that there a countless people who have it way worse than me and they’re dealing. Why do I need to feel like the world is trying to swallow me? Why can’t I just catch a fucking break?”, he continued screaming into the night. All his anger and frustration and hopelessness was finally boiling over. His shaking hands were clutched into fists.

“I just have this hole in my fucking soul and I just don’t know how deal with it. I don’t know how to make it go away! I feel so goddamn empty every shitty second of my fucking life! It’s like I feel everything and nothing, everything at the same time and it just hurts so much… It’s not even that I want to be happy. I just want it to feel okay. Just for one goddamn day I want to be fine. I don’t want to feel like I’m on the edge of falling apart every goddamn second I’m breathing. I don’t want to feel like this anymore. How do I not feel like this anymore. Can someone please tell me how I make all of it go away? … Please”, he finished in a whisper, falling to his knees and sobbing not able to keep his emotions at bay anymore. He rocked back and forth, trying to get some air, trying and failing to keep those emotions finally spilling out of him at bay.

  
Suddenly he felt strong arms wrap around him. Not thinking clearly and desperate for the comfort he turned his head and buried it in this persons firm shoulder. Jisung barely registered what was happening. His hands were clutching desperately to his own shirt by his chest like it would make his chest stop heaving.

“ _Please._ Why? W-Why am I hur-huring this much? Why can’t I just... just fucking breathe? Make it go away. Take it. _Please… please,_ just take all of it.”, his body was refusing to let him speak clearly through the hiccups. The strangers arms around him did provide a small comfort but the skin contact made his own skin burn up even more. The overstimulation made his body shake harder so he tried getting away. He desperately wanted to curl into himself. To shield himself from the world, from this person holding him and from himself.

Hot tears steadily made their way down his face. They started dripping onto the strangers shirt but Jisung didn’t notice. His growing sobs were shaking his body even harder and Jisung just needed it all to finally _stop._

“Make it stop please… please…”, a tiny whisper left his dry lips.

He didn’t know how much time passed as he broke down in the presence of the stranger who was holding him tightly. Breathing trough his sobs he noticed the stranger patting his back, probably trying to soothe him. He was starting to be grateful for the small comfort provided by someone who didn’t need to worry about him but did it anyways.

He wiped his face with the back of his hands and looked up at the stranger who _still_ had his hands on Jisungs shoulders. _Oh._ As far as he could see trough his blurry sight he noticed that the person holding onto him was _really pretty._ He had sharp, feline eyes. They were a grounding brown that almost looked black in this barely lit street. Jisung blinked trough his tears and he swore that those brown eyes sparkled at him and it lit the whole gloomy street up. His messy, dark hair hung over his forehead with just the tiniest space in the middle where his forehead could be seen. It looked really fluffy. He wondered if it would feel as soft as it looked if he ran his fingers through it. His sharp facial features complimented his eyes but he had a cute button nose that softened his entire face. His lips were chapped from the biting cold. He seemed to be the same age as Jisung or even a bit younger. But all in all Jisung thought the stranger looked like a fox. Pretty, cute but still kind of intimidating. It unnerved him.

“Are you better?”, the boy with the fluffy hair asked as he tilted his head to the side. _Cute,_ Jisung thought. He noticed that shoulder of the boy was soaked. How _embarrassing._ Panicked and flustered he started blabbering.

“Oh my fucking God. I’m so fucking sorry. I ruined your shirt! I’m sorry… You didn’t need a stranger to ruin your shirt. I’m so sorry. Oh shit, I’m sorry. _God,_ this is so fucking embarrassing. I’m so, so, so _sorry._ Why did I need to start crying in the middle of the street? Oh my god. _Oh my_ _God_ , I’m sorry you had to witness that. I’m so-“

“Stop. It’s alright. It’s basically just salty water. It only needs to dry and then it’ll be as good as new. You don’t need to apologise. You don’t need to apologise for anything!”, those sparkling feline eyes were staring at him so, so intensely. It was as if the boy needed to make sure he got his point across to Jisung.

“Still. I’m sorry. I probably woke you up.”

“No, you didn’t. I was just getting my mail.”

“In the middle of the night?”, the ridiculousness of that coincidence made Jisung chuckle but it was soon interrupted by a hiccup.

“Couldn’t sleep.”

“Yeah, me too.”

“I noticed.”, the feline-eyed boy smirked.

That got a laugh out of Jisung. This situation was ridiculous. He doubtlessly looked ridiculous right now. Kneeling in the middle of the street, hunched over with a tear-streaked face and laughing like a maniac after crying in the arms of a person he didn’t even know. As his laughter died down he started fiddling with his hands while looking the boy in his pretty eyes.

“Aren’t you cold?”, the other boy looked concerned. Jisung looked down and noticed he was wearing neither a jacket nor shoes. He shivered. Suddenly the cold felt uncomfortable.

“I didn’t notice. I’m sorry.”, he lowered his head in shame.

“You apologise a lot.”

“Oh. I’m sorry.”, Jisung said.

“Come on.”, the feline-eyed boy stood up.

“What?”

“Stand up. You’re going to get sick.”

Jisung felt his neck and face heat up rapidly. He scrambled up from the ground as the bright eyed boy held his arm to steady him. When he was finally steady again Jisung took a step back. The boy was taller then him. They both stood there just watching the other. Jisung wanted to escape this situation not really in the mood to be judged by a stranger who just watched him have a mental breakdown.

“Uh… I guess I’ll get going then…so… I’m sorry. Again. I think, I’ll just-“, Jisung turned to leave.

“No!”, Jisung startled at how loud the boys voice suddenly was “I… I- You’ll get sick if you leave like that! At least come up and let me give you shoes and a jacket!”

Jisung turned to look at the bright eyed boy. He nodded. Than he shook his head. Than he nodded again. Finally he found his words again.

“Are you going to kill me if I come with you?”, it probably wasn’t the brightest question to ask considering that a killer wouldn’t admit something like planning to kidnap and kill someone seeing as that would completely ruin their plans.

“What? No! I just don’t want you to get a cold…”, the stranger looked flustered. Jisung decided that was good enough. Something about the bright eyed, fox-looking boy made Jisung feel at ease. So he shrugged.

“Lead the way then.”, the fox-looking boy looked at him incredulously as he uttered those words.

“Okay. Okay. Good then… wait let me just…” , the stranger started unzipping his sweater and held it out to Jisung. “Take it.”

Jisung wordlessly took the sweater. It felt warm in his hands. His freezing fingers almost immediately stopped shaking as he gripped the soothing warmth like a lifeline.

“Thank you.”, he whispered into the quiet street.

“Put it on.”

“Oh, yes. I should do that. I should definitely do that. Yes. G-Good idea.”, Jisungs ears burned. He hastily put the sweater on, eager to hide his embarrassment. The sleeves of the sweater were too long and fell over his hands, so he bunched them up. It warmed his fingers.

“Okay. Let’s go.”

Jisung trailed after the stranger as he led him into one of the houses and up four flights of stairs. He waited patiently as the stranger unlocked his door and held the door open for him to enter after stepping in. Jisung immediately felt the warmth of the flat settle around him like a blanket. Looking around he noticed that it actually looked like a home. Jisungs own flat was barely lived in. He just had the necessities he needed. A bed. A kitchen. A bathroom. Coffee and Cornflakes. But here everything seemed lively and comforting. The apartment wasn’t as small as Jisungs but it wasn’t overwhelmingly big either. There were Polaroid pictures of smiling faces and sunsets lining the walls witch were painted in several different, bright colors. He noticed how many pillows and blankets there were on the couch. 2 pillows and 3 comforters. There were unwashed cups on the counter and shorts hanging off a chair. There was an rugged looking carpet on the floor beneath the couch. It looked nice. It felt like a home.

“I’m sorry for the mess. I wasn’t expecting visitors…”, the fox-looking boy startled Jisung.

“It’s alright. It looks nice.”

“You’re just saying that…”

“No. I mean it. I like it. It’s really nice.”, he insisted and the boy gave him a blinding smile.

“If you say so… sit down.”, he then went to the little kitchenette in the corner. It had bright green shelves. Jisung couldn’t help himself so he watched the boy with the insanely bright eyes as he started heating up some milk and pouring cacao powder into two separate cups. Jisung wondered what the many rings on the boys hand meant and if he ever took them off. The bright eyed boy hat nice hands, he decided. A few minutes later the other boy settled down beside Jisung, facing him, on the soft couch and handed him a cup. He noticed that the boy just handed him the bigger one. Jisungs neck went hot.

“Here. This should warm you up a bit. Normally I just would’ve made tea. Tea is the best, really. But I ran out of teabags this morning. So hot chocolate it is.”, as the boy pouted his eyes started to sparkle even more.

“Thank you.”, Jisung couldn’t keep his eyes off of this strange boy. He couldn’t understand how someone would just let a stranger into their home. A stranger whom they witnessed having a mental breakdown just a few minutes earlier. Jisung wanted to get to know this strange boy who just made hot chocolate for someone he didn’t know out of kindness. It made him wonder what other layers this bright eyed boy had.

He took a sip. It tasted like warm, chocolaty heaven. After only eating eggs and cereal for the last few weeks the drink tasted like sunshine and all things good to him, it helped that it was made by a very pretty person. A tiny smile bloomed on Jisungs face. He hurriedly took a bigger sip. The boy sitting across smiled warmly at him.

“What?”

“You look like a squirrel. Your cheeks just got all puffy. It’s really cute!”

A small giggle bubbled out of Jisung. He heard that statement often from his friends Chan and Changbin. They wouldn’t stop patting his cheeks when they all ate together, claiming he was the cutest. He missed them.

“I hear that often. Not so much in the last few weeks… but my friends always said that.”

“Oh. I’m probably intruding if I ask… but is everything alright with your friends?”, the stranger cocked his head to the side and it felt as if those feline eyes were burning into him.

“What? Why do you ask?”

“It’s just that that sounded as if they left you or something… I’m sorry if I’m intruding.”, the bright eyed boy said.

“They’re alright. I think. We didn’t have a fallout or anything like that… Uh, they both have an internship at JYP Entertainment so they are really busy.”

“Oh, well that sounds good. What do they do there?”, Jisung couldn’t help but get endeared by the way this boy tilted his head every time he asked Jisung a question.

“We’re all music production majors, that’s how I met them actually. There was that one special project where we had to partner up with people from every year and make a song together. It was Chan, Changbin and a boy who already graduated with me. We clicked instantly and the rest is history. So they’re there for that. They are _really good._ I’m very proud of them. I just miss them right now.”

“That sounds really cool! I’m majoring in vocal performance myself. I’m a freshman.”

“I’m a sophomore myself.”, in that moment it dawned on him that he didn’t even know the boys name. So he blurted: “I’m sorry but -eh- what’s your name?”

“Oh no. I forgot to introduce myself, didn’t I? I’m Yang Jeongin.”

“I’m Jisung. Han Jisung.”, Jisung placed his empty cup in the ground and held his hand out for Jeongin who took it in his and shook their hands softly.

Jisung really didn’t want to let go. After weeks, months really of being starved of touch, denied affection and now, finally receiving it again he felt the desperate need to keep the tiny bit of skin contact he so desperately craved. He stared at their locked hands and debated how weird it would be to keep holding that warm hand.

Then felt the warmth leaving him. The loss made Jisung pout but Jeongin immediately took his hand again with his other hand and interlocked their fingers. Their locked hand were placed on Jeongins thigh by him and Jisung felt a wave of relief flood trough him. He stared dumbly at their connected hands on the others lap. The way Jeongin seemed to know exactly what Jisung needed made his head spin.

“So. You said you’re a music production major, right? You probably write a lot of songs. I bet they’re really good.”

“I do write a lot of songs. When I was little I always needed to write down what I was feeling because I was easily overwhelmed and that just led to writing lyrics later on. It sorts out the mess in my head… but my songs aren’t that good. My friends songs are a lot better...”

“Well, I would love to hear some of them sometime. I’ll tell you if they’re good or not. Constructive criticism always helps. My friend Seungmin always tells me when I need to improve something when I’m singing. It helped me a lot.”, Jeongin smiled. Jisung couldn’t get over the eyes of the other boy. They didn’t just reflect the lights in the room. No, they seemed to shine on their own. He never wanted that light to leave those eyes.

“I’d like that.”

They sat in comfortable silence as Jeongin finished his hot chocolate. Jisung watched the younger. His hair looked _really_ soft and even though he was younger than Jisung he had a prominent jawline and _the cutest dimple_ _ever_ when he smiled. The younger made Jisung feel like he was coming home. Which was weird, because he met this boy just a moment ago. Why would he get attached to someone this quickly? The thought of needing to leave soon made Jisungs eyes burn. He wanted to draw his needing to leave out. In his desperation to stay here and marvel in the comfort and warmth of the younger boy he blurted the first thing on his mind.

“What are your thoughts on space?”

Jeongin choked on the sip he was taking. He looked at Jisung disbelievingly. After a moment of silence, in which embarrassment settled in him for what felt like the millionth time this night, Jeongin answered.

“Space as in the dark thing that surrounds this planet? With stars, comets and planets and all of that?”, Jeongin asked.

“Yeah…”, Jisung said with blush blooming across his chubby cheeks.

“ I guess it makes me feel intimidated. The thought that there’s so much out there. So much, most of which isn’t discovered yet and most likely won’t ever be discovered. It makes me a bit queasy. And black holes sound _really scary_.”, Jeongin actually looked a bit scared at the mention of black holes. Jisung couldn’t keep the endeared little smile off of his face.

“Don’t tell me you don’t think black holes are scary! They sound terrifying! A vacuum that sucks in and kills everything in its reach without a chance of escaping? That is scary!”, Jeongin exclaimed.

“You don’t need to feel embarrassed, Jeongin. You’re right. Black holes do seem scary. Everyone has irrational fears. I’m actually living in constant fear of a zombie apocalypse.”, Jisung reassured Jeongin good heartedly.

“No way! Zombie Apocalypse! Really?”

“Hey! That is a really fucking scary thought! I would die within the first fifteen seconds! I have no survival instinct at all and no regards for my own personal safety… or so Chan says. That’s actually the reason I’m not allowed to use his oven or really cook unsupervised anymore.”

“You’re not allowed to use a oven? Is he your mother?... I think I need to hear that story or I won’t be able to sleep.”, Jeongin chuckled.

“Well… Chan, Changbin and I had a sleepover at Chan’s and he tasked me with cooking while he and Changbin made a pillow fort. I decided to make nuggets, because heating frozen stuff up seemed simple enough.

Chan actually doesn’t have a normal oven but a gastro grill and there’s these metal sticks inside that basically get really, really hot. And I reached inside with my bare hands to turn the nuggets but my sweater got caught on one of those sticks…and it caught fire. It was a really small flame but I was so confused as to _why_ my arm was burning because that _never_ happened before. So I just stood there while my sweater was burning and continued turning the nuggets with my other hand.

Nuggets were more important in that moment, I guess. So when Changbin came to the kitchen and he saw my sweater was on fire while I did my job as the cook he started screaming and poured a whole 1,5 litre bottle of water over me me.

And that all the noise alerted Chan and when he came in he just saw us standing there. Me with half of my sleeve left and burns of second degree on my arm and dripping wet while Changbin held an empty bottle. He looked like a disappointed mother and went into nurse mode. Started cleaning and wrapping my burns, made Changbin get me new clothes and all that. I swear he would’ve dressed me himself if I let him. That was the day he decided I wasn’t allowed to ever cook in his precious kitchen again.”

Jeongin burst into laughter halfway through the story. He seemed delighted at the chaos. And so they started trading stories back and forth while the smiles never seemed to leave their faces. Laughter continued ringing through the apartment and Jisung swore he hadn’t felt this at ease in a really long time. When their eyes started dropping and their voices became quieter Jisung finally looked at the time. It was 4:30 in the morning. Soon the sun would start rising so he said that he probably needed to leave now. He dreaded going back to his cold, empty home but he didn’t want to impose on Jeongin any longer and he knew he had a morning class so he needed to shower and change clothes. He told Jeongin as much. As he stood up but Jeongin wouldn’t let go of his hand and instead pulled him back on the couch.

“Stay. Please. If you leave now you won’t be getting any sleep before you need to leave again. Do you even have your phone with you? How will you find the way back home? If you stay you’ll probably get at least few hours of sleep and you can shower here. I’ll lend you clothes. We can go to campus together in the morning and we could have breakfast somewhere and eat cake for breakfast.”, Jeongin seemed desperate to make him stay as he hastily listed reasons for Jisung to not leave.

Jisung grinned back at the younger: “I’ll hold you to that. But I don’t have money with me. Actually I don’t have anything with me right now… so I’ll need to stop by my place anyway.”

“That’s okay. I can pay for breakfast this time and we’ll take the bus to yours. Please stay.”

 _This time._ That implied there would be more times they would getting breakfast together. The thought left Jisung feeling warm and fuzzy inside.

“Okay, Jeongin. I’ll stay.”

With that Jeongin started pulling him to his bedroom by their interlocked hands and made Jisung lay down on the bed.

“Jeongin I can’t take your bed. The crouch wouldn’t be good for your back! I can sleep there. I really can. Your couch is really comfy! I often sleep on my own couch!”, Jisung said.

“Who said I’ll be sleeping on the couch. I want to cuddle with you. We’ll both fit in the bed since you’re so tiny! And won’t think we won’t be having a talk about your self destructive habits. Sleeping on couches and you’re basically skin and bones, Jisung!”

The prospect of sharing the bed with Jeongin overwhelmed him so much that he barely registered the second half of what Jeongin said.

“Oh, okay. Yes. Yeah. Good. Yeah. I mean- that sounds like a plan. Let’s do that. Yes.”

“You’re too cute.”

Jeongin settled beside Jisung and wrapped his arms around the smaller. Jisung thought he wouldn’t be able to sleep with the younger wrapped around him as he was practically a stranger to Jisung and he thought it would make him feel nervous.

In reality the arms around him and the other body pressed against him made him feel safe and protected. It was like Jisung was meant to sleep beside Jeongin with their legs intertwined and their arms wrapped around each other, barely able to tell where on ended and the other began. It didn’t take long for both of them to fall asleep.

Soon all that was heard in the apartment which ringed with laughter just moments before was the soft breathing of the two sleeping boys.


	2. CHAPTER TWO (Cooper & Gatlin - Fragile)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this chapter has a scene that I’m really, really proud of!  
> Hehe, maybe you can guess which passage it is?
> 
> Enjoy!!

Morning came far too early. Jeongins alarm startled both of them out of their peaceful slumber. They found themselves waking up the same way they fell asleep. Intertwined and curled into each other. Jisung marvelled at the warmth of the body beside him and squeezed Jeongin in a little bit tighter than he already did. _Feels nice. I could wake up like this more often._

Considering they barely had two hours of sleep Jisung was shocked to note that he felt infinitely more rested after those two measly hours of sleep beside Jeongin then after a full 8 hours all alone in his own apartment. Jisung lifted his head to look up at Jeongin just to find the fox-looking boy already staring at him with a tiny, soft smile. Jisung cheeks heated up.

“Good morning.”, Jeongin said quietly.

“Morning... Eh, Good morning. We... we should probably get up. Now. Yeah. That.”

Jisung just felt the need to smash his head into concrete. Or to bury himself alive. Or to jump off a building. He settled with burying his head in Jeongins chest to hide his burning cheeks.

“Yeah. Let’s get up. I’ll give you some clothes and you can shower first. You okay with a sweater again? Or do you want to wear something fancier?”

“A sweater is fine…”, Jisung said into Jeongins chest.

“Alright.”

So they slowly started to untangle from each other, lifting their sleep-heavy limbs from each other. They then left the comfort of the blankets. Jisung stayed on the bed watching Jeongin while he shuffled around in his room to find some clothes for Jisung. He couldn’t quite describe what he felt.

On one hand he desperately wanted to crawl back under the blankets and never get up again, preferably with Jeongin beside him again. This nights sleep was just the _best._ It reminded him of the nights he crawled into his mother’s bed when he had a nightmare. Those nights she would always softly hum “You are my sunshine” to him while she kissed his forehead softly. She always patted his hair on those nights. She never stopped until he was fast asleep. On those nights he always clung to his mother like she was his lifeline.

On the other hand Jisung knew he couldn’t keep this stranger as a part of his life. It wouldn’t go well. It never went well. Jisung was a magnet for toxic behaviour and he knew that. He couldn’t do that to Jeongin. He wouldn’t. _Never. Not Jeongin._ Jisung didn’t want the light in Jeongins eyes to die out just the way it always did with the people he tried to befriend. Somehow the people always loved him in the beginning and everything was fine only for them to realise that he couldn’t be what they wanted him to be. What they imagined him to be. What they thought he’d be.

Chan and Changbin were the only exceptions to that rule but Jisung thought that was because they were carved out of the same wood. Both of them weren’t perfect either. But Jisung wouldn’t have it any other way. And they both extended the same curtsy back to Jisung. They didn’t expect him to be perfect all the time and they allowed him to show them his imperfections without the fear of them leaving him. It was the same the other way around. Jisung wondered if that was a quality that was only present in a limited amount of _special_ people anymore. It was like people would throw everything away as soon as they discover something they don’t like in the current object of their affection.

Then there was the fact that Jeongin had already seen him at on of his lowest points so he supposed it couldn’t really get any worse than that. Jisung feared that the younger boy would choose to run away from him when he inevitably realised what big mess of a person he was walking towards. Jisung closed his eyes to stop them from burning.

He knew he couldn’t make Jeongin stay with him and in his life if he didn’t want to. He knew that Jeongin could walk away like _countless_ people before him did. He _definitely would. He should._ He knew he could only steel himself for that _inevitable_ moment. The only thing he could do right now was to bask in the blindingly bright light of those twinkling eyes. To burn them into his memory. That way he would always fondly remember the kind stranger that comforted him, the same one that let him into his home, the same one that made him the sweetest hot chocolate he ever tasted. It would be _okay. Jeongin would be better. Jisung would be okay._

Jisung opened his eyes. Jeongin was already crouching in front of him, the clothes he selected on his knees and a warmth in his eyes Jisung hadn’t seen before.

“I hope those clothes are alright. The jeans might not fit you but they are the smallest ones I have. If you tell me your address I’ll look for the bus schedule to your place and we’ll leave as soon as possible to get the stuff you’ll need for the day.”, Jeongin said softly.

“Thank you, Jeongin.”

Jisung quickly grabbed the clothes Jeongin now held out for him to take and he to the bathroom he saw this night to get away from this situation. As far away as he could from his thoughts that only seemed to surround the boy. He heard Jeongin chuckle behind him.

In the bathroom Jisung watched his reflection in the mirror. His chubby cheeks flushed. His hair messier than usual. His eyes wide. His lips chapped. Looking at himself usually made him feel sick to his stomach because all he could see were the deep purple shadows under his eyes, the barley visible, premature wrinkles on his forehead from the endless frowning he did. It was nice to notice other things on his own face for a change.

Quickly he made his way into the shower. Somehow he found himself standing under the stream and thinking about everything that happened the last few hours. He still couldn’t believe that Jeongin took him in for the night. It was just so insanely absurd. But he guessed that that was just how his life was going right now so the only thing he could do was to swing with the punches life threw at him. He could deal. _Everything will be alright._ He’ll get ready for the day, he’ll get his stuff, he’ll have a nice breakfast for once and then he’ll have to part ways with Jeongin. That seemed like a solid plan to Jisung.

After his how shower he started dressing in the clothes Jeongin gave him. They were so, so insanely soft and smelled really nice. He really needed to ask Jeongin which detergents he used. Or not. It would be weird to ask, wouldn’t it? He noticed he had sweater paws in the soft, blue sweater again and the jeans were slightly too big so he looped the button trough a belt loop and buttoned the jeans that way to stop the pants from exposing his butt to the world.

When he left the bathroom Jeongin already stood outside, waiting for Jisung to finish so he himself could get ready for the day.

“You look adorable in my clothes. I’m tempted to let you keep them.”, the younger winked at Jisung leaving him standing there looking perplexed at the closed bathroom door. Flustered he busied himself with washing the all the used cups he could find.

“I thought you weren’t allowed in the kitchen anymore.”, Jeongins voice startled him.

“I’m not allowed in Chan’s kitchen. No one said anything about me not being allowed in yours.”, Jisung said.

“Well… as long as you don’t catch fire again I’ll probably have to let you use the kitchen.”, the fox-looking boy had a sly smile on his face. It suited him. Jisung thought it was kind of ironic how well that smug expression seemed to fit Jeongin.

They made their way to the bus stop after Jeongin informed Jisung that his place was only 4 bus stops away from Jeongins own. In the Bus they shared Jeongins headphones as they listened to some trot songs Jeongin loved. Jisung jokingly said he’ll write a trot song just for Jeongin to sing. The way the eyes of the younger boy lit up made him want to do it for real. While watching Jeongin as he stared out of the window and pointed at a few passengers Jisung was already thinking of a melody. He was already thinking of the lyrics he would incorporate into the song. He knew he had to write everything down as soon as possible. He wanted to write it all just for him.

Jisung was silently thanking his past self for thinking of taking his house keys with him. As they stepped into the apartment Jisung already knew Jeongin would comment on the state of his sad looking apartment. There wasn’t that much in here to begin with but the stuff he had laid messily on various surfaces or the ground. Jisung knew he should at least get his stuff out of the way it he never seemed to find the energy to do so. So he just left it the way it was.

“Why is it so _empty_ here, Jisung?”, there it was.

“I guess I never really got around to buy more stuff. I was preoccupied with University and, you know, having mental breakdowns…” , Jisung shifted on his feet uncomfortably.

Jeongin started looking around, he even went es far as to start looking trough the barren shelves and into his almost empty fridge. Jisung rapidly started gathering the stuff he needed for the classes he had today just so that they could leave this place as soon as possible. When he turned around to tell Jeongin he was ready he found the younger, usually bright eyed boy was looking at him sadly. Instead of saying something, instead of commenting on his apartment anymore Jeongin just crossed the room and gathered Jisung in his arms. Tears were burning in his eyes, so he tried to discretely wipe them away. They stood there, just holding each other tightly for what felt like an eternity.

“You don’t ever let your friends come in here, do you?”

“We mostly just go to Chan’s. There is no reason for them to be here. It’s small. There isn’t really enough space to have a nice evening. They know that. So they don’t need to be here. Ever.”

“They need to see this, Jisung. Please show them. Or tell them. Something. Please. Or let’s at least go grocery shopping.”, the sincere desperation in Jeongins voice made Jisung ache inside his chest.

“Okay. Let’s go shopping, Innie.”, Jisung only said.

Jeongin took a deep breath before letting Jisung go. He took the hand of the older and laced their fingers together. Again. Together they made their way to a nearby bakery with their hands swinging between them. They ended up getting three slices of cake each and eating all of it. Their time there was filled with easy laughter and light conversation. Jisung held his fork with his favourite cheesecake out to Jeongin in an attempt to convince him that cheesecake actually was better than chocolate cake or red velvet. In return Jeongin forced him to try the cakes he chose too. In the end they settled that each of them had their own cake preferences but weren’t opposed to sharing with the other to switch things up a bit.

With their tummies stuffed full of delicious cake they made their way to campus. On campus they had to part ways. But neither Jisung nor Jeongin were ready to separate their hands. To let go so soon. So they stood there in silence with heir hands firmly locked. Then something occurred to Jisung.

“Give me your number.”

“Oh. OH. You’re right! I almost forgot. Yes. Let’s do that. But give me yours too.”

They exchanged phones to put their numbers in quickly and gave them back to their rightful owners after they finished putting their numbers in. Jisung took a deep breath. He stepped forward and closed the distance between them to hug the other tightly.

“Thank you, Jeongin. Tank you so much for last night. I don’t know what would’ve happened if you wouldn’t have taken pity on me. Thank you.”, Jisung whispered to him.

“I didn’t take pity on you. It was never pity. It was empathy. I’m really glad I did it. I’m so, so glad I didn’t let you go back home alone, without shoes or a phone. God, I don’t want to think what could’ve happened to you.”, Jeongins voice broke a little as he uttered the last sentence.

Jisung lifted his hand carefully to Jeongins hair softly, he squeezed him a bit tighter and then finally, he reluctantly let him go. He took two steps back to ensure he wouldn’t fall back into the slightly taller boy.

“Now, Innie. Be good and learn very much today.”

“You too.”

They looked at each other for a little bit longer. Not willing to leave, not willing to say goodbye, not willing to let this night end. Jeongin reached out one last time. He brushed a strand of hair out of Jisungs eyes. Jisung held his breath as Jeongins hand lingered by his cheek. Barely touching him.

“I’ll see you later.”, Jeongin said and then he turned and jogged away to get to class on time. He turned around after a few steps. He smiled brightly and waved. Then he turned around and ran farther away. Farther and farther away from where Jisung was still standing. Jisung watched him leave until he couldn’t make him out in the crowd anymore. Only then did he turn around to leave too.


	3. CHAPTER THREE (Chase Atlantic - I DON’T LIKE DARKNESS)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy!!

Later in class Jisung found himself staring at his contact list. There were four numbers now. His mother, Chan, Changbin and now, now there was Jeongin too. The smile wouldn’t leave his face as he stared down at the new number on his phone. He found a friend. He made a friend all by himself. _Well, technically the friend found you,_ Jisung thought. But still, he had a new friend and that alone was enough to put a smile on his face.

His classmates were surprised to see that the withdrawn, quiet boy, who always sat by himself in class and only diligently took notes, actually smiled and raised his hand to actively participate in his classes. Jisung sat in the middle of the room today.

Normally he would sit in the back row in the corner. Where he could oversee everything that was happening in class. It made him anxious to have people sitting behind him, not being able to see what they were doing, wondering if they were silently judging him. In his mind he felt reassured that if they couldn’t see him they wouldn’t think about him at all.

He still wasn’t quite comfortable to have everyone out of his line of vision today. But he was comfortable enough to not feel as terrifyingly anxious as he always did at the thought of someone sitting behind him and judging him in silence. Those unspoken words of judgement were something that wasn’t pressing on his conscious as harshly today as on any other day.

He kept a soft smile on his face as he answered questions he knew the answer to. It was _really_ weird for him to actually raise his hand if he knew something. But he felt a little lighter today. He just wished for one day where it would stay like that.

During lunchtime he sat alone on a bench and watched the other students hurrying to their classes, laughing with their friends, quietly reading or going about their day as he munched on the sandwich Jeongin made him get at the bakery this morning. It was a bit squished from being at the bottom of his backpack but it still tasted delicious so he didn’t let it bother him.

Suddenly he felt a hand on his shoulder. Startled he turned around to find someone staring down at him pointedly.

“So you’re actually eating today.”

Jisung swallowed hard before letting out a shaky exhale.

“I’m glad to see you’re actually eating something today. A sandwich isn’t the most nutritious thing you could have, I guess. But it’s a start.”

Jisung risked a glance to see Changbin smile at him softly. Changbin made his way to sit beside him on the bench. Jisung smiled back at him and Changbin leaned over to ruffle the younger ones hair.

“Well, it was either a sandwich, a croissant or another 3 slices of cheesecake.”, Jisung said.

“If it’s that way the sandwich isn’t that bad of a lunch choice. Don’t worry I won’t tell Channie… wait a minute. _Another_ 3 slices of cake? What on earth possessed you to have three slices of cake for breakfast?”

“I’ll have you know that I’m an adult who is perfectly capable of making his own decisions, thank you very much. And if I, as a capable adult, choose to eat 3 slices of cake for breakfast then that’s perfectly fine, thank you very much.”, Jisung crossed his arms and pouted at Changbin.

“Tell that to your burned sweater and Chan’s oven.”, Changbin gave him a pointed look with a small smile playing at the corners of his lips.

“That was one time!”

“Well, what about that time you burned your thigh with soup? And stop avoiding my question, Jisung.”

“That was one time too!”, Jisung exclaimed.

“Jisung, you still have burn scars on your leg. Answer my question, please.”

Jisung debated on not telling him. It’s not that he wanted to keep Jeongin a secret. He really did want his friends to know that he met the kindest stranger he could imagine. He really wanted to tell Changbin what happened last night. How Jeongin had saved him from himself.

He just needed to keep him and that warmth he felt in his chest when he was by Jeongins side for himself for a little longer. He wanted the feelings from this night that he still carried in his chest to last a little longer. He didn’t want to share that.

But he knew that if he wouldn’t answer Changbins question now then the older boy wouldn’t stop asking him about it. He wouldn’t stop bothering him. And in the end he would get worried about nothing and tell Chan who would run to Jisung like a storm to get answers himself while Changbin watched the confrontation with a satisfied smile.

Jisung wanted to avoid that at all costs. Worried Chan equals scary, overprotective Chan and Jisung didn’t want to be smothered by a angry mother hen right now. His thought were interrupted by Changbin making a squealing noise.

“Ahh. Changbinnie is very sad right now because Jisungie wouldn’t tell him. Changbinnie wants Jisungie to tell him everything! Pretty Please?”, Changbin made cute hand gestures and shrugged his shoulders for an extra cute effect in his aegyo. Jisung watched horrified as Changbin tried to win him over by acting cute.

“Jesus fucking Christ. Warn me next time.”, Jisung shook his head.

“Come on Jisung. You only have secrets from us if it’s something bad or something extremely good.”

Jisung knew he was fighting a losing game. His shoulders sagged in defeat but a tiny smile played along his lips at the antics of his friend.

“I made a friend.”, Jisung finally breathed out.

“You what? No way! Finally! I was actually getting worried you’ll only ever have me and Chan! Oh my god, you need to tell me about them! Is it a boy? Or a girl? Is is it someone from your year? Why do they study? How did you meet? When did it happen? Did you-“

“Changbin, calm down. I can’t answer if you won’t let me!”

“Well?”, Changbin was almost falling off of the bench in his excitement while he gripped the seat.

“It’s a boy. Freshman. Vocal Performance major. And the other two I’d actually rather not say right now.”

“Wow. You made a real friend. Jisungie that is fantastic! Can I tell Chan? Please, _please_ let me tell, Chan!”

“I know. I- I’m really happy. You can tell him… but only because I know it would slip out of you anyway. God knows you can’t keep a secret from Chan. Just promise me something. Please… the both of you. Please, do me a favour and don’t push me to let you guys meet him right now. You’ll meet him someday, I promise. Just not right now. I’m surprised I didn’t scare him away already… I don’t need you guys to going into protective mode and scaring him away…”, Jisung whispered.

“Jisungie, you know that we only scare people away who are going to hurt you. If you really like him we’ll leave you guys alone. Just let us meet him someday. And you know that anyone who scares as easily as that doesn’t deserve you by their side, right? We wouldn’t _actually do something_ to those people. All bark and no bite, you know.”

“Yeah. I know. Thank you.”

“Love you, Jisungie.”, Changbin gave him a one armed hug.

“Me too, Changbin.”

They spent the rest of the break catching up, promising to meet up at Chan’s on the weekend, before parting ways and getting through the rest of the day.  
  


Jisung was trying so, _so_ hard not to feel like shit again. It was so fucking unfair that he had the best morning he could have possibly imagined just for him to have all of that sucked out of him in a span of a few hours. As his day went on Jisung had begun feeling more and more like his usual self again. But after meeting Changbin everything went downhill.

He left for class feeling relieved and hopeful that the day wouldn’t get any worse but had forgotten that his next class was with a professor who absolutely _hated_ him. Jisung couldn’t even understand how that man picked him out of almost 300 Students.

Surely he wouldn’t have noticed the quiet but brilliant boy who always seemed to make himself disappear in class. There were others who would disturb class or start the worst discussions only to end up screaming about something totally different. But Jisung never did that. He behaved, wrote his notes diligently and actually listened to his Professors. So why, why did that man have to pick him out of all of them?

Jisung was barely on time because he saw a dog on the way to class and he _needed_ to play with it. It’s impossible to see a dog and not want to, you know? So when he looked at the time and saw that class would start soon he had to start running to get there on time. As he stepped into the classroom he felt a cold shiver of dread run down his back.

“Ah, Mister Han. How nice of you to grace us with your presence today.”

“I’m sorry, I was-”

“No, I don’t want to hear it. Sit down and don’t talk unless spoken to.”, the Professor added while rolling his eyes. Jisung closed his own eyes briefly before making his way to his usual seat at the back of the class.

And so it continued throughout the course. The professor would call on Jisung, wouldn’t give him time to finish answering the questions and interrupted him to show exactly how _wrong_ Jisung was. He even casually dropped hurtful comments about Jisung or poked at him when he thought Jisung wasn’t paying attention. _Disappointment. Waste of space. Hopeless future._ Jisung clutched his fists. Just a minute until he could go home. Just a few seconds. When the class ended he practically sprinted out of there. _Needed to get away._


	4. CHAPTER FOUR (PRETTYMUCH - Eyes Off You)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So my dear dudes (wow, how eloquent)
> 
> I just wanted to say that I’m incredibly proud of this chapter and that I sincerely hope that you guys enjoy reading it! This is almost entirely fluff so get ready for your teeth to ache!
> 
> Enjoy!!

His apartment seemed emptier than ever. The moment he stepped through the door he couldn’t stop staring at the dirty, bare walls and the cracks on the ceiling. Couldn’t stop staring at the chipped white paint. Couldn’t stop staring at his desk where a few books were scattered carelessly. He hadn’t touched them in weeks. He couldn’t stop staring at the old, broken couch. That couch that looked so _lonely_ without any pillows or comforters.

He stared at the basil plant on the windowsill. It was dying, just a few leaves at the top had a tiny bit of green in them. Further down everything was shrivelled, brown and _dead._ That plant right there. That plant was an accurate representation of what was going on inside of Jisung most of the time. It was kind of ironic how much he could relate to that fucking plant.

Just like he forgot to take care of the plant he always forgot about himself. Caught up in his own thoughts. Caught up in ignoring life. Caught up in his own past mistakes. He just had that tiny bit of hope in him. A tiny bit of _hope_ for a better, happier future. He desperately clutched to it like it was the only thing keeping him alive. Just like that plant.

Jisung couldn’t stand looking at the dying plant anymore. He turned around to fill a cup of water. Slowly he made his way to the tiny plant. Carefully he poured the water into the earth in the pot and then he got another cup of water and poured that one in the pot too. He kneeled in front of it.

“I’m sorry. I’ll take better care of you, I promise.”, Jisung didn’t know if his whisper was directed at the plant or at himself. He just sat there staring at the plant. Didn’t get up and just watched it as if it would come alive again if he stared hard enough.

His ringtone startled him out of his trance. Hastily he looked around for his phone.

_Jeongin._

Jisung totally forgot about the younger boy in his trance. He quickly picked up the phone.

“Hi?”

“Jisung! Hey, I thought you wouldn’t pick up… but you did!”

“Yeah…”, Jisung said.

“So what are you doing?”

“I was just watering my plant… how about you?”

“Well, you see… you know how you promised to go grocery shopping with me?”

“Yes?”

“I’m kind of standing in front of your house.”

Jisungs heart skipped a beat. Hurriedly he raced to the window. He looked down and saw Jeongin standing in front of the house cutely looking up. He waved at Jisung when he saw him looking out of the window. Jisung melted at the sight.

“Can you let me in?”, Jisung heard Jeongins voice faintly through the phone.

“Oh, wait a minute. I’ll come down. Don’t go anywhere!”

In record speed Jisung slipped on his shoes, grabbed his wallet, a jacket and his keys. He ran down the stairs skipping a few steps in between not caring if he tripped and fell down the stairs just to get out there faster. He threw the door open. Jeongin jumped as it crashed against the wall. Jisung tried to catch his breath.

“Hi.”, he panted.

Jeongin grinned at him.

“Hi there. You seem in a hurry. Going somewhere?”, the grin didn’t leave his face.

“You see, there was this boy begging me to go grocery shopping with him. I couldn’t just leave him standing there, looking all lost in front of my window.”, Jisung grinned back at Jeongin.

“Well, maybe that boy would’ve tried climbing up to the window to drag the princess out of her tower.”

Jisung laughed loudly before speaking: “Please don’t, I don’t need to scrape your corpse off the ground. I wouldn’t even know with what or how to.”

Jeongin chuckled and moved towards Jisung to pull him in a hug as a greeting. Jisung fell into the embrace. They separated much too quickly in Jisungs humble opinion. So he linked their arms and started their journey towards the bus stop.  
  


When they arrived at the store Jeongin immediately steered Jisung towards the carts and insisted he got in so Jeongin could wheel him around. Jisung resisted. When he saw Jeongin pout cutely at him with his stupid, sparkling eyes looking so very sad he couldn’t bring himself to protest any longer, so he reluctantly climbed in the cart, grumbling about how he was an adult _goddamn it_. He sat down cross legged facing Jeongin who took hold of the cart handles.  
  
Happily Jeongin wheeled him in the store and trough the isles, pointing at stuff they should get for Jisung and debating wether or not sour gummies were better than the normal ones. Jeongin walked away from the cart and started throwing the stuff they got at Jisung for him to try and catch it. More often than not the stuff landed on the ground, thankfully all of the stuff Jeongin decided to throw at him wasn’t breakable. It made Jisung let out a short bark of laughter when a box of cereal landed on the ground and was placed in the cart by a pouting Jeongin in its crushed state. Jeongin did have a terrible aim. It greatly amused Jisung to see his companion trying anyway.

Most of the stuff Jeongin put in the cart, where Jisung was sitting observing him and what he chose, were things Jisung never would have bought if were by himself. Fresh fruit. Frozen cheesecake. Funny looking noodles. Jisung didn’t even know they sold noodles shaped like little seashells. Spices. So, so many spices. Jisung wondered what turmeric was supposed to be and why on earth were there different types of cinnamon. Jisung was confused as to why Jeongin choose something called _ceylon_ _cinnamon_. What did that even mean? And why did he have to get rosemary, oregano, thyme _and_ basil. Weren’t they all the same thing? All of them were green and Jisung even had a fucking basil plant at home. It was almost dead but he _did_ have basil at home. Why would he need more? And the tea. So much fucking tea. _What the hell was it with Jeongin and that goddamn tea?_

When they got to the snack isles and Jeongin just went crazy. Jeongin put everything in the cart he could find. Jisung smiled fondly at the sight. Jeongin padded towards the cart his arms so full of different chocolates, gummies and chips that he had trouble keeping all of it from falling to the ground. Jeongin threw the mountain of snacks on Jisungs lap.

“Hey. Careful buddy! I’m fragile. Dumping all of it on me could’ve _easily_ made my bones collapse!”, Jisung joked.

“That’s why were getting all of this stuff.”, Jeongin said while he took hold of the handles again and continued their journey towards the register.

When they were standing in the row Jeongins eyes suddenly widened.

“Jisung, wait here. I need to go get something!”, Jeongin sprinted away from Jisung.

“It’s not like I could leave with all these sweets burying me underneath them!”, Jisung yelled after him but he couldn’t bring himself to keep the obvious amusement at Jeongins antics out of his voice.

The line moved forward and Jisung was starting to feel nervous because Jeongin still hadn’t returned and he couldn’t move the cart while sitting _inside of it_ so he started wiggling around with the hope that his movement would make the cart move closer to the cash register. Jisung was about to climb out when he heard chuckling. He turned around to give the person a piece of mind about making fun of people in desperate situations but when he turned his head he saw Jeongin standing there. In his arms he held a comforter and cute pillows with tiny pastel pink and yellow flowers on them. Jisung thought he also spied a weird looking box too.

“What on earth are you trying to do, Jisung?”, Jeongin asked him. His eyes were shining with amusement which Jisung did _not_ appreciate.

“You left me here and the line was moving. So I had to try to move the cart forward but that isn’t very easy if you’re stuck in a cart with snacks covering you. Even if you’re a snack yourself.”, Jisung laughed at his own joke. Jeongin just shook his head at him while a smile played on his lips.

“Whatcha got there?”, Jisung asked.

Jeongin shuffled on his feet and looked at Jisung trough his fluffy, soft looking fringe.

“Just some stuff I thought you’d need to make your home a little bit more comfortable. You- you don’t have to keep any of it if you don’t want to! I just thought it would help. Eh, you really don’t need to feel obligated to-”

Jisung stared at Jeongin in astonishment. His thoughtfulness, the fact that Jeongin went out of his way to look for things he thought would make Jisung more comfortable in his own apartment made him feel dizzy. To make it feel like _home._ He didn’t want him to feel embarrassed for caring about him. He appreciated it.

“Jeongin. Thank you. Those pillows look really cute. I’ll keep them. I mean- you went all the way trough the store to get them. It would be rude not to keep them.”

Jeongin let out a long exhale and started smiling again, his pretty eyes crinkling up.

“Okay. Well, let’s move this cart then!”, Jeongin didn’t let go of the stuff he got as he pushed the cart.

Together they put all of the things on the cash register with Jisung handing the stuff to Jeongin from inside the cart.

They left the store with countless bags struggling to not let any of them fall. Together they made they way towards the bus station, they saw the bus already driving towards it so they started running to catch it. They barely made it.

They sat down while taking harsh breaths. Jisung sat down by the window and they both put the bags down by their feet. Jisung looked at Jeongin. He looked even prettier than usual with his hair all messed up, cheeks flushed from the cold and his eyes shining in delight. Jisung thought he might actually die if he someday couldn’t hold this boys hand anymore. Jisung grabbed Jeongins hand. How could a persons hand be this unbelievably _soft?_ It was unreal.

Jeongin then laced their fingers together and shuffled in his seat so he sat closer to Jisung. Their arms and thighs were touching and Jisung realised he wanted to lay his head on Jeongins shoulder. So he did. For once he didn’t want to wonder if he was overstepping any boundaries, he just relished in the contact with Jeongin, soaking in his warmth and gentleness. Jisung closed his eyes.

Jisung felt Jeongin start rubbing his thumb on Jisungs hand. It felt nice. Actually, it felt more than nice. To Jisung it was comforting and thrilling and earthshaking all at once. Jisung put his other hands on their intertwined ones and almost immediately he felt an additional warmth on his hand.

Just a few moments later Jisung felt his body starting to get heavy. He tried to fight falling asleep. It was a losing game. He just drifted further and further away from awareness, feeling the warmth of Jeongins body next to his, their hands intertwined tightly and Jisung feeling nothing but utterly relaxed.

“Jisung…”

Jisung felt something softly shaking him.

“Jisungie, we’re almost there. You need to wake up.”, the voice seemed very far away.

“Ji, please wake up.”, Jisungs eyes fluttered open. His sight landed on the intertwined hands on his own lap. _Jeongin didn’t let go._ Warmth flooded trough his body.

“I’m awake, Innie.”, Jisung whispered. He lifted his head from Jeongins shoulder to look at him. He found those bright eyes looking at him softly. Jisung watched as Jeongin lifted one hand, which got closer and _closer_ to his own face. Jisung went cross eyed as he watched Jeongin hand. His finger booped Jisungs nose. Immediately Jisungs ears went hot and red so he turned his head towards the front of the bus in embarrassment.

“Cute.”, Jisung thought he imagined Jeongin whispering the word oh so faintly so he didn’t answer.

The bus stopped, they hurried out and started making their way to Jisungs apartment. While walking Jeongin bumped his hip against Jisungs. He stumbled a bit. As he caught himself he threw a good hearted glare at Jeongin.

“Oh, you wanna play that way? Okay! Let’s do this!”, Jisung took off to bump his own hip against Jeongins, making him stumble too. They started chasing each other and bumping into the other, laughing like children but the fun came to an early end as Jisung actually fell face forward to the ground. Ha barely avoided face planting the pavement. His shoulders started shaking.

Jeongin promptly ran towards the boy who was lying on the ground unmoving. Incredibly worried he kneeled next to him and grabbed Jisungs shoulders to turn him around. It was a weird way to turn someone over so Jisung ended up lying on one of his arms and almost in his lap. Jeongin looked worried but his concerned frown turned into a bright smile as he noticed Jisung giggling.

Jisung couldn’t stop giggling and soon his soft giggles turned into full on laughter, so he ended up in Jeongins arms, both of them on the ground, the grocery bags laying forgotten beside them. Jisung couldn’t stop laughing until his stomach started to hurt. He gasped at the pain. Strangely it felt good to hurt out of positive emotions. His laughter died down into soft giggles again. He closed his eyes. Took a deep breath. _Took it all in._

“You killed me. I’m dead. I expect sunflowers at my funeral. Throw them in the crowd so we’ll see who dies next.”, Jisung accused Jeongin. His eyes were still closed.

“Oh no! My dearest! Whatever shall I do? However shall I survive in a world without yours truly. The sunflowers shall be arranged for the princess’ funeral.”, Jeongin played along with Jisungs joke but something in his voice didn’t sound quite right.

Jisung looked at Jeongin. _Those eyes again._ Jisung felt weird that he held such a grave appreciation for Jeongins eyes. As he looked into those shining eyes he thought Jeongin was the reason people thought the eyes windows to the soul. Just like his bright eyes Jeongin to Jisung was all things good. Pure. Lively. Full of emotion. He never, ever wanted to look away.

“You okay? That fall looked nasty.”

“I’m good. I’m perfect.”

“Okay.”, Jeongin didn’t sound convinced so Jisung started moving out of the comfort of Jeongins arms and getting up from the cold ground. He stood before Jeongin and turned slowly to show him he was completely unharmed. Jeongins shoulders sagged.

They went to pick up the grocery bags and made their way to Jisungs apartment. Inside they started unpacking everything in comfortable silence, and while Jisung was putting away the groceries they bought Jeongin decorated the couch with the pillows and comforter he chose.

“I’m kind of glad we didn’t buy eggs. They wouldn’t have survived earlier. The bananas didn’t.”, Jisung showed the bruised bananas to Jeongin while grinning.

Jeongin sat at Jisungs table watching him. He too started grinning at the sight of the previously yellow bananas.

“Not my fault.”, he said leaning back on his chair.

“You started it!”

“But the bananas weren’t in my bags.”

Jisung tried glaring at Jeongin. A smile was fighting to make its way to his face so he pressed his lips together and turned around to continue putting the groceries away.

When he finished he looked around. The pillows and comforter suited the couch very nicely. It made his place look a little more alive. He smiled. Only then did he move towards the table and sat across from Jeongin.

“It looks nicer in here now. Thank you for getting the stuff for the couch.”, Jisung said with a smile.

“Actually… there is one more thing.”

As Jeongin turned to get a bag Jisung hadn’t previously seen Jisung wondered what Jeongin bought and how he didn’t notice. Jeongin put the bag in front of Jisung. Curiously he looked inside. Inside the bag there was the weird looking box he saw Jeongin holding in the store. He took it out. His eyebrows shot up.

“I saw you looking at the pictures on my walls and I thought it could help make your home look more like a home.”, Jeongin quickly explained. Jisung just stared at him open mouthed.

“I- I just thought it could be a good idea. I actually got it in the grocery store- that’s why I kept you waiting so long… I eh, I just thought it’d be a good idea.”, Jisung still stared at Jeongin as the other grew more and more flustered by the second.

“Can you please stop looking at me like that. It makes me feel like I did something wrong.”, Jeongin shuffled in his seat. That shook Jisung out of his trance.

“No. No. No. No, you didn’t do anything wrong! Not at all! I’m just overwhelmed. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable. I just- I – Why on earth would you get _me_ a Polaroid camera? Those are fucking expensive, Jeongin! You can’t throw out money like that! We need to have a serious talk about money management, buddy. God. This is too much Jeongin. You can’t- You can’t just buy something like that. _For me of all people._ ”

“What do you mean for you of all people?”, Jeongin actually looked confused.

“I’m not-”, _worth it_ , he wanted to say. “I- We met yesterday, Jeongin! You don’t even know me so _why on earth_ would you think it’d be a good idea to spend that much money on me? Jeongin, this is insane.”

“I- I’m sorry.”, Jeongin looked down at the table. It made Jisung feel extremely bad for blurting all of that out. He couldn’t handle seeing Jeongin looking sad. He quickly stood up, kneeled next to the chair Jeongin was sitting on and took one of his hands in both of his.

“Jeongin.”, he didn’t move.

“Innie, please look at me.”

Slowly the younger boy looked at him and Jisung felt shame wash trough him as he saw the defeated look in Jeongins eyes.

“Innie, I know you meant well. That was _really_ nice of you. But it’s too much. I _can’t_ keep it. It’s too much.”, when Jeongin wouldn’t move he continued: “How about this. You keep it and let me take pictures with it when I want? That way it would be yours but it still fulfils its purpose.”

“Okay. Yeah. I’m... I’m really sorry. Sorry. I-”

“It’s okay. Stop apologising. You’re almost as bad as me.”, Jisung joked to lighten the mood. It got a tiny smile out of Jeongin.

“Think about it this way. If you keep the camera I have a very legitimate reason to bother you.”, that got a tiny giggle out of Jeongin.

“What a horrible thought. I might have to return it.”, Jisung exhaled in relief at the joking tone of the younger boy.

“So. How about dinner? What do you want to eat?”

“Something where you won’t burn yourself while cooking, please”, Jeongins eyes shined at Jisung.

“Cereal it is!”, Jisung lifted himself up but Jeongin stopped him from actually serving them both cereal by grabbing his arm.

“Maybe you could let me cook?”, Jeongin suggested.

“Okay. Yeah, sounds good. We can do that. Let’s do that.”

So he watched Jeongin start getting to work in his kitchen. He moved quickly in the kitchen, Jisung noticed. He himself was a mess in the kitchen and left it looking like a battlefield whenever he tried to cook something that actually required preparation and heat. So he stuck to meals that didn’t require any preparation. Like cereal.

It was soothing to watch Jeongin cook, who moved so effortlessly in the kitchen as if it was as easy as breathing. His hand moved quickly. He prepared the meal with so much care, with the same care the put into every little thing he did.

Carefully he opened the box on the table. He took the camera out and put a film in. Then pointed the camera towards Jeongin and looked through the viewfinder. How Jeongin managed to look ethereal while doing something as mundane as cooking was beyond him and knew he had to freeze this moment in time. The camera clicked.

Jeongin turned towards Jisung. He smiled as he saw Jisung waving the developing picture at him. Jisung grinned at how nice the picture turned out. You could make out Jeongins profile in it and the dim light of his kitchen gave the picture a melancholic touch. He liked it.

“I’m keeping this picture.”, Jisung said.

“Okay.”, with that Jeongin turned around to continue cooking.

When he finished Jeongin put two plate with sautéed vegetables, chicken and rice on the table and Jisung immediately digged in because he realised how hungry he was with the food sitting in front of him. A little moan left his lips. It tasted _divine._ He didn’t think someone could make _vegetables_ taste good and Jisung briefly thanked the gods for the spices Jeongin convinced him to buy.

“God, how does this taste this _good._ I might have to invite you over more often and make you cook for me.”, Jisung said.

“I’d like that.”, at those words Jisungs head snapped away from his plate of food at Jeongin.

“ _Why?_ ”, he couldn’t help but question.

“I like you. You’re funny and cute and I’d really like to spend more time with you.”

“But why?”, Jisung questioned further.

“I- I.. eh”, Jeongin swallowed hard. Jisung watched his Adam’s apple move.

Jisung nodded his head at Jeongin for him to continue.

“I- yesterday. It wasn’t the first time we met.”

“What?”, Jisungs mind raced trying to remember where he had met Jeongin before.

“You probably wouldn’t remember. It... It was on the first day of class. I got lost and I couldn’t find my way to my first class and before I knew it I was sitting there with my head in my heads trying not to cry in frustration. And you approached me and asked me if I was lost. You were so _patient_ with me as you tried to explain where I needed to go. You probably didn’t think it was a big deal. But it was to me. It really was. I was so very grateful to you that day. And then I often saw you around campus and I _really, really_ wanted to be your friend. But I didn’t know how to approach you without seeming desperate or weird so I didn’t. I just watched you from afar and wondered if I’d ever get the confidence to talk to you. I guess that was kind of weird of me. I’m sorry.”

Jisung remembered. He remembered being on his way to his own classes seeing some freshman crouching by the wall with his head in his hands on the first day of class and as he saw the freshman he remembered how he felt on his own first day of class at university. Not being familiar with his surroundings. Not knowing where to go. So he decided to help.

That lost freshman was Jeongin. He remembered.

“Oh. I remember that. That was you.”

“Yeah.”, Jeongin grimaced.

“Okay then.”, Jisung continued eating.

When he finished his food he looked up and Jeongin. Jeongin was watching him with a tilted head and furrowed brows.

“You’re not throwing me out?”

“No. Are you finished eating?”, Jeongin looked at his half finished plate and started shovelling the rest of his food down his throat.

When he finished eating Jisung took both of their plates, put them in in the sink and started putting the leftovers away. After that he went back to the table. He took Jeongins hand and started pulling him towards his bedroom, just like Jeongin did yesterday. He pushed him onto the bed.

“Let’s take a nap.”, he said.

Jisung climbed into the bed and laid down with his back pressed to the wall. Jeongin laid down beside him and turned his body towards Jisung and shuffled a bit closer to him. Jisung felt the urge to get even closer so he moved until their foreheads were barely touching.

So they were settled on the bed, facing each other, their foreheads touching, their hands intertwined and just looking into each other’s eyes. Jisung actually wanted to nap. But now laying here, across from Jeongin, barely touching him, just enjoying his presence he found he couldn’t bear to close his eyes. He took Jeongin in. In such a close proximity he noticed that Jeongins eyes weren’t as dark as he thought. There were specks of hazel in them.

Jisung watched him as if he could burn his face into his memory for forever just like that. Jisung wondered how he looked through Jeongins eyes. What did the younger think of him? Of his face? Of his eyes?

Jisung then raised his hand to Jeongins face and started to feel his skin under his fingertips. He traced his jawline. He traced his finger from his eyebrows, along his fringe while brushing his hair out of his face down to his cheekbones. Jisung poked at his dimple softly. Then he continued tracing the lines of his face slowly, _oh so slowly_ and ended up with his hand resting on Jeongins cheek and his thumb carefully running along his pink bottom lip.

He looked into Jeongins eyes again. A lazy smile bloomed on his lips as he continued stroking the younger boys lip and Jisung couldn’t help but notice how the light that shined through the open door from the kitchen made the younger boy seem golden. He was golden.

The moment seemed to last like a lifetime.

Jisung felt something crawling up his throat.

He sneezed loudly.

It startled Jeongin so badly that he fell out of the bed. Jisung sniffled. When he observed that Jeongin didn’t come back to bed he leaned over the edge to see Jeongin just laying on the ground staring dumbfounded at the ceiling. He looked ridiculous. Jisung couldn’t keep the loud laughter bubbling up inside of him. He started laughing even harder when noticed Jeongin glaring at him.

Quickly Jeongin threw himself on the bed again and in an attempt to stop Jisung from laughing at him he laid down directly on him. Jisung couldn’t breathe. For several reasons actually. The boy was heavy. The full body contact made Jisung seize up.

“Okay. Okay. I get it! Don’t laugh at the fox! I get it! Please get off, I can’t breathe!”, Jisung wheezed out from under Jeongin.

“Nope. I quite like it here. You’re comfortable.”

“I think I would be more comfortable if you weren’t _crushing me_!”

Jeongin rolled off of him. He then stretched his arms out towards Jisung and Jisung wasted no time to crawl into Jeongins arms. He threw his leg over Jeongins. Their breathing slowed down again. And with as the light shone through the open door both of them were illuminated in soft, golden light. Sleep found both of them quickly.


	5. CHAPTER FIVE (Sleeping At Last - “Four”)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soo, the title song is actually a part of a series of songs which were written for different personality types in this one quiz (you can easily find it online if you’re curious!), there’s 9 types in total and as you can probably guess four is mine. In conclusion, this song really means a lot to me, that’s also why this fic is titled the way it is (I once spent two hours crying over this song, lol). I can only recommend you take the quiz and listen to the song of your type!
> 
> Enjoy reading!!

Jisung woke up to an annoyingly bright flash and something clicking.

“Oh God, that was louder than I thought it would be.”, Jeongin voice softly ringed trough the following silence. He kept on mumbling to himself. It was very soothing, almost lulling Jisung into sleeping again, but Jisung knew he couldn’t continue sleeping.

He forced his eyes open. His vision was blurry and as he tried to focus, to get his swimming vision under control he noticed movement in the corner of his line of sight. He turned his head. Through his blinking he made out Jeongin trying to get a picture to develop faster. He waved it around and when he stopped he just sat there looking at it carefully.

Jisung groaned loudly and buried his head in the pillow. Alarmed by the sound Jeongin stopped moving right away and turned to face Jisung. He rubbed his neck, blush painting his cheeks red.

“Why would you take a picture of me sleeping? I’ll look all puffy and disgusting...”, Jisung said into the pillow under him. “This is an invasion of privacy.”

“In my defence… you looked adorable.”, Jeongin quickly said as red continued blooming on his cheeks.

Jisung just turned to glare at Jeongin. Grumbling he climbed out of the bed and made his way to the kitchen. He heard Jeongin padding after him. Together they moved around each other to prepare breakfast for both of them. Jeongin started making tea while lecturing Jisung on the importance of not letting the water get too hot because it would destroy the desirable compounds of it and make it bitter and disgusting.

He started looking for the cereal they brought yesterday. When he found the crushed box he remembered the previous afternoon with a tiny, soft smile gracing his lips.

Jisung relished in the comfortable silence that settled in the air as Jeongin finished the tea. He found himself craving for his usual morning routine, so he put on his morning playlist. Jisung had always loved making playlists. He had so many of them it was easy to lose coordination in the multitude of them, but it was like he desperately craved to have a collection of songs specifically fit to compliment and explain each and every emotion he could possibly feel. Hell, he had like 7 different playlists for different variations of being sad.

It was fun to create playlists, but the best thing about it was to create names for each specific playlists. Some names probably wouldn’t make any sense to others, but to Jisung they described his own sentiments perfectly. _My kitchen light is our disco ball. Kitty times. Summoning Satan in Czech. Kicking down your door. Solitary road trip. Loving in my head. Not for love._

A soft tune sounded from his Bluetooth speaker through the kitchen. His eyes fluttered shut. It was always nice to feel the music softly flowing in the air through the early morning hours. It calmed Jisung. The faint, calming melody surrounded him like a blanket that was carefully covering his shoulders, protecting him from the world.

_I’m turning out the lights to remember how to see. ‘Til a Renaissance takes place and resuscitates the color of paint and divinity._

He started gradually swaying to the music. His body moving from side to side delicately as if he would disturb the calming composition if he proceeded to do so any more harshly. He wanted to let this feeling gently travel through his body, his mind, his soul. He needed to loose himself in the pleasant verses. Just for a moment. Just this morning. Here. Right now. He _needed_ to let go of everything and just _feel._ Just feel the way the melody made his body move as if it was a part of it.

_As if God hit the building blocks of every beautiful thing. In this game of hide and seek I can’t help but think that ordinary has swallowed the key._

Slowly, carefully he moved through the kitchen with the music cursing through him like a steadily flowing river. His eyes stayed shut tightly. He started whispering the lyrics in harmony to the singer. The words were sung so softly that you could only hear them if you listened very carefully. If you tried to hear Jisungs voice. If you listend.

_Bodies fashioned out of dirt and dust, for a moment we get to be glorious. Ice sculptures adorned in light. Sand castles built tall in between the tides._

His voice grew steadier, bit-by-bit with every word he let out. Lost in the feeling. Not anticipating it, he heard a clicking sound, ripping through the calm atmosphere that surrounded Jisung as he moved to the music. He turned and there was Jeongin. He was staring at the gradually developing picture in his hand. He looked up. Those breathtaking, shining, feline, brown eyes met Jisungs own. Jisung felt something inside of him shift, but he couldn’t identify what exactly shifted. So he ignored the feeling in his chest.

_Maybe I’m hiding behind metaphor. Maybe my heart needs to break to be sure. One day I’ll wear it on my sleeve. The insignificant with the sacred unique._

Instead, Jisung moved towards Jeongin. He wanted to make him perceive the music around them the same way he was. He wanted him to _feel._ So he took both of Jeongins hands in his. Pulled him closer. They were barely an arm length away from each other. Jisung still felt the music flowing through him and all he longed for was to share with Jeongin what he was experiencing at this moment in time.

_But I’ve fallen in love with a ghost. I lost my balance when I needed it most and this blurry photograph is proof, of what I’m not sure, but it feels like truth._

Together they started moving. Slowly swaying, their hands intertwined and feet moving delicately on the cold, wooden floor. The picture Jeongin took just moments before laid forgotten on the table.

_I’m stuck swimming in shadows down here. It’s been forever since I came up for air. Flashlight in hand determined to find authenticity only poetry could even begin to describe._

Jisung sung quietly. He sung the sweet and genuine lyrics directly to Jeongin, looking into his eyes, being trapped by them, their bodies moving together, just _feeling_. Feeling everything. _Everything_ between them. Jisung got lost in the feeling of Jeongin moving with him to the mellow rhythm, moving like fallen autumn leaves in the swaying wind.

_Bodies fashioned out of dirt and dust. For a moment we get to be glorious._

They moved together like the wind. Twirling around to the slow melody, spinning, curling around each other, withdrawing from each other, uniting again and again and _again._

_Get to be glorious…_

The rest world outside of this kitchen fell away as they moved together, side by side, hand in hand. And it was as if there was nobody else in the whole universe, but the two of them. There was nothing but the soothing music, their shifting bodies and the steadily growing ringing in Jisungs ears.

_Get to be glorious…_

Jisung beamed as Jeongin spinned him out of and into his arms again.

 _What if we already are who we’ve been dying to become?_ _In certain light I can plainly see…_

He came to a halt. There he stood, directly in front of Jeongin, chest to chest. Almost heart to heart. _Almost._

_A reflection of magnificence…_

Jisung raised his head to regard the boy holding him tightly in his arms, swaying them leisurely, steadily.

_Hidden in you…_

This split second seemed like an eternity. As the song came to an end and the both of them gradually ceased moving to the rhythm. Just taking in the sound of the violin and piano that finished faintly.

_Maybe even in me._

The song ended. Both of them remained standing still. If he moved his head up a just a tiny bit Jisung would’ve been able to move his head until their lips were touching. Jisung let his gaze linger on Jeongins lips. How easy would it be to just move up and take them, to press them against his own.

All of a sudden the heat coming from Jeongins body and carrying to his own felt like too much, it was too close, too tempting. Shame at his own thoughts started cursing through him. He broke away from Jeongin. He cleared his throat, stepped away from Jeongin, instantly missing him. He forced himself to look away from the feline eyes in front of him.

The music commenced again. It was a bright, lively tune and Jisung gladly took the change in atmosphere as he continued pouring cereal into two bowls for them. He heard Jeongin sitting down at the table, waiting patiently for him to finish. They started eating silently.

“You have a nice singing voice.”, Jeongins words broke the silence and Jisung choked on his spoonful of cinnamon toast crunch. He pounded on his chest to open his throat again.

“Thanks.”, he croaked out.

“So I’ve been wondering. If you write songs… do you sing in them?”, Jeongin asked.

“Yeah, I do. I mostly rap but if I need to I also sing. Sometimes I steal Changbin for rapping. He’s amazing. Chan can sing too.”, Jisung said. “We’re actually all making music together as a group sometimes. It’s called 3racha and we have a SoundCloud account. Yeah…”

“Nice. I’d really like to hear some of your songs. Maybe I’ll check out your SoundCloud.”

“If you want to… Someday I’ll show you some of the songs that I wrote without the two of them. Let me just gather my courage. Most of my own songs have a kind of depressing theme, so it’s not everyone’s cup of tea.”

“That’s okay. It’s what songs are for, isn’t it? They are a way to let the world see everything that’s happening inside of you. If people don’t like your songs it’s not your fault. They don’t need to understand. They don’t need to hear. They don’t get to.”

Jisung never thought of it that way. He always assumed it was his failing if people didn’t relate to his songs, assumed that there was something wrong with _him._ It was a fresh breath of air to hear from someone that others didn’t need to _understand._ That he didn’t need anyone’s approval.

“What about you? You’re a vocal performance major. I’d like to hear you sing sometime. Your speaking voice is nice already. I can imagine your singing is even better.”

“I guess I’m good. I don’t really know. I kind of lack confidence. But I got into the course so I guess there must be a reason.”

They continued talking about their classes and later moved on to other random subjects. Jisung found out that Jeongin had a younger brother who loved playing soccer with him in the garden of their childhood home, that he hated beans, that his favourite color was pink, that he liked listening to ASMR. Jisung soaked all the new information in.

He thought it was fitting for him to like pink. The color that stood for good health and life. It was nice to get to know him better. To get to know all the little things that made him the way he was. Every little thing Jeongin told him about himself was so utterly fascinating to Jisung. He sat across from Jeongin, leaning forward, his head in his hand, focusing on him and his words.

Jisung also shared some things about his life. How he lived in Malaysia for a few years and almost got eaten by a crocodile, how he had an older brother but they weren’t all that close, how he liked the color red and how he listened to all kinds of music in all kinds of languages.

Jisung observed the way Jeongin seemed to brighten when Jisung started sharing his own stories. He had his head tilted in curiosity, laughed, kept his eyes on Jisung. The boy hung off of his words as if they were the most important thing he ever got to know in his life. It made Jisung feel strangely flustered. His words got quieter as he grew more and more flustered by Jeongins attention on him, but Jeongin continued to listen and nodded for him to continue.

They bonded over the fact that they both loved winter more than any other season, how the liked snuggling in their blankets with a warm drink in their hands watching the snow fall through the winter. How sad it was that each and every year there was less and less snow to watch. Jisung talked about the way his eyes would water when the cold wind blew into his face so he chose to often wear glasses instead of contact lenses in winter to prevent that. How that didn’t work and he still teared up.

Time flew. And before they knew it it was time for Jeongin to leave. Jisung wanted to control talking, but exams were continuously approaching and they needed to get some study time in. Jisung knew he wouldn’t even study when Jeongin left but he had to let the younger go, so he could be productive. Even if Jisung wasn’t.

Jisung accompanied Jeongin to the front door. Unwilling to part immediately Jisung pulled Jeongin into a quick hug, wished him a good time studying, breathed in Jeongins scent, committing it to his memory. Jeongin left. Jisung moved to the window and followed Jeongin with his regard as he left to go home.

Jisung leaned his head on his arms on the windowsill and continued to watch Jeongin leave until he turned the corner. Jisung closed his eyes. Wondering when the next time was he would see the boy with the bright eyes he stayed there, dozing off until the sun stood high on the sky. When he returned to the kitchen to eat the leftovers from yesterday he noticed both of the pictures Jeongin took of him were gone too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I almost had a mental breakdown as I reread this, because for someone with absolutely no romantic affinity I write a lot of sappy stuff (and it’s good too, in my humble opinion)... oh well, it be like that sometimes.


	6. CHAPTER SIX (3racha - For you)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FRIENDSHIP!!! It’s the best thing I’m the whole world!!!!  
> I’ll kindly dedicate this chapter to those few idiots who somehow have the patience to endure me and all my antics!! (love you guys 🥰😔💕 (pls don’t ever leave))
> 
> Enjoy reading!!

“No! Get out of the kitchen, you heathen! No, no, no, NO! Don’t touch the toaster! Stop it, Jisung! You’re giving me heart palpitations!”

“You’re overreacting! I know how to toast a fucking toast! It’s not that hard!”, he turned around to scream back at Chan. He was _loud._ Behind him the toaster started burning.

“Get out of my kitchen, Jisung! I swear to God!”, Chan screamed so loudly that Jisungs ears began ringing. “I don’t know _why_ fire loves you so much but this isn’t funny anymore! It’s not! Changbin! If you don’t stop laughing, I swear I will throw you out!”

“You can’t, I live here.”

“I don’t _fucking care._ Both of you get out of my fucking kitchen!”

Chan looked kind of ridiculous with his pink apron tied around his waist and with his hands waving hysterically in the air as he screamed his soul out at the both of them. Changbin was laughing equally hysterically. And Jisung, Jisung was pouting that he was thrown out of Chan’s kitchen _again._

He just wanted to make something nice for his friends. Just some toast. Well, it wasn’t really something nice, but it was _something._ It was simple and made with his friends in mind, so that made it _nice._ The toaster didn’t agree with Jisungs need to make his friends happy and proud of him, by serving them something to eat. The rude thing just burst into flames the second Jisung turned his back to it. That attention whore. It was like it just couldn’t operate as is should when someone wasn’t appreciating how well it was doing.

Changbin and Jisung settled down on the couch, their feet resting on the beige coffee table. When Chan returned he had a frown engraved on his face. Glaring hard he went over them. And then he lightly hit Changbin over the head.

“Feet of the coffee table. Now!”

“Oh no, my wife is a dictator! I should divorce you!”, Changbin said. “Dictatorship isn’t sexy. At all.”

“Oi! _Wife?_ I’m your fucking husband, Changbin!”

“You’re the one running around in a pink apron. If that doesn’t make you my wife, I don’t know what else to tell you.”

Chan’s frown deepened. Hastily he untied his apron and threw it at Changbins head. He went back to the kitchen while grumbling about _stupid Changbin_ and _Wife! I’ll give him wife!_ and Changbin couldn’t help but chuckle at Chan. Jisung just shook his head at the both of them, a fond smile adorning his face.

“God, I love him. What would we do without him, right?”, Changbin inclined his head towards Jisung, his eyes not leaving Chan’s figure.

“Yeah, yeah, I get it. You’re in love with him. I get it. Stop rubbing it under my nose. But I agree… we’d be dead in a ditch somewhere without him. Or in jail. Or dead in jail. We wouldn’t survive jail.”, Jisung said. Jisung shook himself at the thought.

When Chan returned, somehow balancing three plates and cups each, he carefully gave them to Changbin and Jisung. Both of them immediately started devouring the food. Chan settled down on the far end of the couch next to Changbin, throwing his arm around him and started casually playing with his hair. Changbin leaned into the touch.

“You broke my toaster, Jisung. You’re buying me a new one. Tomorrow.”

“Our toaster.”, Changbin interrupted.

“I didn’t see you paying for it. Therefore it’s mine.”

“But both of us use it!”, Changbin actually looked offended.

“I’m being nice and let you use it because we don’t have another one _you_ bought. Well, we don’t have one anymore. Seeing as it’s broken now. Jisung, buy me a new toaster!”, Chan threw another glare at Changbin and Jisung respectively.

“Okay! Okay! A new toaster for Changbins wife coming right up!”, Jisung joked. “Do you want anything else? A new husband, perhaps?”

“Hey!”

“Nah, this one still works. I think I’ll keep him. For now.”, Chan smirked at Changbin.

“That’s debatable.”, Jisung said.

“Hey!”

Jisung and Chan laughed in delight at Changbins misery. The evening was off to a phenomenal start, Jisung decided. He leaned back on the couch and went to casually cross his arms behind his head. The smallest of the three sat pouting between them, with his arms crossed in front of his chest.

Out of the corner of his eyes he spied Changbin and Chan throwing each other suspicious glances, obviously having a silent conversation. When Changbin elbowed Chan the oldest in the room cleared his throat and turned to Jisung with wide eyes.

“So… Jisung.”

“Spit it out. What is it? Are you guys adopting something?”

“We were actually thinking about getting a dog.”, Changbin said. Chan face planted at his words.

“Yes… we were. But that isn’t the issue at hand, Changbin!”

“Well, what is it?”, Jisung couldn’t throw off the nervous, cold shivers going down his back, expecting the worst.

“So… Jisung… Changbin told me something very interesting.”

“Oh no.”, blush painted Jisungs cheeks red.

“Yeah. You made a friend?”

“… Yeah?”, Jisung wondered where exactly this conversation was suppose to go.

“Don’t be nervous. That’s a great thing, Jisungie!”

“I said that too.”, Changbin threw in.

Jisung couldn’t help but compare the both of them to overprotective parents who were grilling their introverted kid about their lack of a social life and inability to make friends. They _did_ kind of adopt him. So he guessed this was a scenario that was close enough.

“So, Jisung. Tell us about them.”, _oh no._ Jisung knew he couldn’t get out of this situation lest he threw himself out of the window. That was actually a fantastic, groundbreaking idea. He should do that.

“Jisung don’t you dare throw yourself out of the window.”, Chan said. _How?_

“How?”, Jisung echoed his own thoughts.

“You were looking at the window, sweetheart.”, Chan was sweet talking him, Jisung realised. “I know we’re on the ground floor but you’d still manage to somehow break something. So just be good and tell us about your new friend.”

“I can’t get out of this, can I?”

“Nope.”, Changbin looked like it was Christmas, his birthday, Chan’s birthday and his wedding day all at once.

“This is your fault.”, he whispered menacingly. Changbin just started laughing. Why didn’t they take him _seriously_? He huffed.

“Okay. Fine! I’ll tell you. Reluctantly. But I’ll tell you.”

“Now.”, Chan said.

“Okay, _mom.”_

“Well? Go on.”

“Okay. Okay. Well, you obviously know what Changbin told you. His name is Jeongin and he kind of looks like a fox-”

“Be careful that he doesn’t eat you, Jisungie. You’re a squirrel after all.”, Changbin grinned.

“Fuck you. He won’t.”

“Guys, please. Stop distracting him, Changbin. And you Jisung, stop avoiding this conversation!”

Jisung kneaded his hands.

“So… His name is Jeongin. As I just said. Well, we kind of met by chance? Honestly, I was having a mental breakdown in the middle of the night and I broke down in the street where he lives and he was getting his mail and heard me… He started comforting me. Invited me into his home and we started talking and I kind of didn’t leave? So since then he’s been sticking around. He was really sweet and kind to me! He made me hot chocolate and gave me his sweater so I would get cold… it was really sweet of him. And in the morning he accompanied me to my apartment and we went to university together after eating breakfast-”

“That’s why you had 3 cakes!”, Changbin interrupted.

“Yes. Yeah, that’s why.”

“You really like him, don’t you?”, Jisung looked up to see Chan looking fondly at him, a look that was normally reserved for Changbin. He blinked back the tears that were welling up in his eyes at the obvious love for him that was shining at him out of Chan’s eyes.

“Yeah… I do.”, Jisung said really quietly. “Honestly it’s weird, I’ve known him for just over a week but the entire time he was so incredibly kind and gentle and just so… so _good._ I really want to continue getting to know him… I think we could be great friends.”

Jisung noticed Chan and Changbin looking at each other again. Why couldn’t they just talk like normal people? He waited. Curious at what they would say, when one of them finally decided to speak. With words.

“He sounds like a great person. Maybe you’ll let us meet him soon? We promise we won’t scare him! If he’s been this good to you the only thing we can do is thank him.”

“Yeah… he is.”

“So, tell us more about him.”, Chan said. “Did you meet him after that?”

So Jisung told them. He told them everything _. Almost._ He told them how they actually met before at the start of the semester. He told them about their trip to the grocery store. He told them about the camera incident and the way Jeongin cooked for him. He told them about them falling asleep together and how they spent eternities talking the next morning. He talked about how they continued texting trough out the week. How Jeongin was always sending him pictures of stuff he found interesting, sometimes even selfies. He told them how he spent yesterday night on the phone with Jeongin just talking about anything and everything their minds came up with. He told them how Jeongin made him feel comfortable and _safe._ He told them how they made plans to study together at the library for the next week. On Monday.

What he didn’t tell them was how completely fascinated Jisung was with his eyes. How he could spent hours just looking at him. How he fell asleep on him on the bus. How they danced in the kitchen. That was something he wanted to keep completely between him and Jeongin.

He didn’t need them coming to completely ridiculous conclusions about the new _friendship_ between Jisung and Jeongin. He didn’t need them getting their hopes up about him and Jeongin somehow becoming something more than friends. It would hurt too much. He knew that was something that was never supposed to happen.

“Wow. I don’t think I’ve ever heard you talk that much. Except if it’s about music.”, Chan looked kind of smug. It unnerved Jisung. When he looked over at Changbin he noticed he had the same look on his face too. Maybe he told them too much? It honestly wasn’t that much, he could’ve told them a _lot_ more. He left the most important things out!

“Well… now we really need to meet that guy. He must be some kind of magic to make you talk that much.”, Chngbin said.

 _He is,_ Jisung wanted to say. He didn’t. “I’ll let you meet him soon. I just need to mentally prepare him for that. And myself too.”

“We aren’t that bad!”

Jisung looked at Changbin with a raised eyebrow, gazing over his glasses so the other looked kind of blurry to Jisung. He pursed his lips and furrowed his eyebrows at him.

“We aren’t! Chan, tell him!”

“Yes we are, Changbin. Accept it.”

Changbin looked seriously put out when he didn’t get Chan’s support immediately.

“Fine.”, he grumbled out, his arms crossed.

“Don’t worry. You’ll both meet him. Someday…”

“Okay. Fine.”

They left it at they. Thankfully for Jisung, the conversation was over now.

They spent the rest of the evening watching movies, just joking around the air around them light and cheerful. Jisung felt grateful to have both of them in his life. He wouldn’t know what he would do without them in his life. He really didn’t.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soooo.....  
> this chapter had a hidden preview for one of the other parts I will be writing for this series! (who am I kidding, it’s really obvious what’s it gonna be...)


	7. CHAPTER SEVEN (Martin Luke Brown - Shadow & Light)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hyunsung! A blossoming friendship! Did I mention how much I love friendship? Heh, I’ll write a Hyunsung fic when I’m finished with this series (I already have an idea for that one. It’s gonna be cute!)
> 
> Also I think I included figures of speech that work in my own mother tongue so I’m not sure if some of them make any sense to you? Well... it doesn’t matter if it doesn’t work in English at least it’s funny!
> 
> Enjoy!!

Exams were almost standing before the door. Honestly, they were a guest that Jisung didn’t want to welcome. At all. But they were that one type of rude guest who always invited themselves into your house without asking if they could to make a mess out of everything and then to just leave in lightning speed without cleaning up the mess they made. He wanted to leave those rude exam guests standing at the front door and have them staying there to rot.

Life, unfortunately, wasn’t ever that easy. Time went on and you had to fulfil your responsibilities and Jisung, as a person that liked to ignore a problem until it went away, learned in his first year that that was an approach that sadly didn’t work with exams. So he started accompanying Jeongin to the library twice a week to study with him.

Somehow they managed to always avoid both of their friends when they were on their study dates. Secretly Jisung was immensely relieved by that fact, but Jeongin always seemed sad when he didn’t meet the friends Jisung so often shared exiting stories about. He practically begged him to let him meet them.

Maybe he should consider to do that, but he was afraid that Jeongin would like them better than him. Or that they would scare them away. Or that if he let those two worlds collide he couldn’t handle Jeongin leaving him if he became a part of his life that was interwoven with every aspect of it.

He knew that it was an irrational fear, but who ever said that fears were supposed to make sense? Hell, he feared really small holes and Zombie Apocalypses. That didn’t make any sense either.

When they had their study dates at the library Jisung always made sure to bring snacks the both of them loved, so they could eat them in secret, hiding them from the bossy librarian. He liked the way Jeongin lit up when he did that. He loved watching the younger tearing through the bags to get the blue and red sour gummy worms. He always ate the red ends first and left the blue ones for later. When Jisung asked him why he ate the gummies like that Jeongin just stared at him as if he should’ve known the answer all along. “Because they’re pretty and pretty things deserve to be cherished.”, he said. “Actually all things deserve to be cherished, but in food it’s important to appreciate that you can eat something so divine.” It was kind of endearing.

Sometimes he couldn’t stop looking at Jeongin when he was engrossed in his coursework. He still found it unbelievable that he had a new friend. It’s been almost two months since they met that night Jisung had a mental breakdown, but Jisung found that the newness of their new friendship didn’t seem to really wear off. There was still so much to learn about each other.

Yes, they were comfortable with each other and it somehow also felt like they’ve been friends for years but Jisung was always surprised by the new things he learned about the younger. Like how he had an affinity for animated movies because he always watched them with his father when he was a kid. Or how he could spit out weird fun facts about different animals Jisung didn’t even know existed out of the top of his head. The day when Jeongin showed him what an Axolotl was Jisung squealed about those things for the next two hours, looking through pictures while Jeongin watched him in amusement, munching on his sweet popcorn.

Sometimes he wondered what would’ve been if they knew each other in high school or even before that, the way Chan and Changbin did. Would they have been friends? Would they have had any reason to talk? Would they have been in the same club? He knew it wasn’t important to question something that hasn’t happened, but he found that he couldn’t stop wondering. Maybe it was for the better that they didn’t knew each other then.

Jisung still often had days were everything was _too much, too loud, too overwhelming._ He still had days where the only thing he felt was _numbness, silence, nothing._ He knew suddenly being friends with someone so bright wouldn’t magically fix him. But somehow… somehow all of that seemed a little easier to Jisung with Jeongin in his life. Just a little. He found that having someone by his side who was always ready to cheer him up, to take care of him made the shadows seem less grey and more blue.

Currently Jisung was sitting in his mandatory English class. The professor was blabbering on and on about some project they had to do over the rest of the year. Jisung thought the subject of the project was stupid. It was too vague.

“This project will make up a third of your finishing grade. So, as I said earlier the project title is “How love changes [blank]”. You’ll be working in pairs and you’ll have to come up with something to complete the title to make it unique to every pair working on this theme. This is supposed to be a creative writing project but if you want to take a more literary approach you’re always welcome to do so. Basically you can do and write whatever you want. I just beg you guys to actually work together. Please. I’ve read enough single minded essays through the years. I want you guys to show each other different perspectives, different ways to go about this project.”, she seemed really passionate about this project, excitedly gesturing with her hands. “That’s why we’ll be drawing the partners. I’ll be reading out the names and you guys can start brainstorming for the rest of class.”

She started reading the names and people were moving around to find their partners an begin working on this ridiculous thing. What was that subject, that theme, that half sentence even supposed to _mean?_ Jisung honestly didn’t know. He just hoped his partner wouldn’t be someone who would leave him to do all the work by himself.

“Han Jisung and… Hwang Hyunjin!”, at those words Jisung looked around the room. Who on earth was that supposed to be? He didn’t bother learning the names of his classmates so he drew a mental blank about who this Hyunjin guy was.

Suddenly there was someone tapping his shoulder. The guy was tall and lanky. Well not _that tall_ but definitely taller than Jisung. He had long, blond hair and a mole under his eye. Puffy lips and well-designed nose complimenting his soft face. He was _really pretty._ Jisung started to wonder if there was something in the water that made people pretty around here. How _unfair._ Jisung squinted at the guy as if he was the sun annoyingly shining into his eyes. Which wasn’t that far off because he was _beaming_ like he was trying to be the suns competition.

“Hi! I’m Hyunjin! You’re Jisung, aren’t you? Has anyone ever told you that you look like a squirrel? I hate squirrels. But please don’t take it personally, I have nothing against squirrel like looking people! If you don’t act like one we’ll be okay!”, Jisung was astonished by the way this guy seemed a tiny bit over enthusiastic about basically everything he said. Wordlessly he motioned for him to sit next to him.

“Yeah… I’m Jisung. If you… if you don’t mind me asking, why do you hate squirrels? They’re cute and fluffy.”, Jisung asked perplexed as Hyunjin flung himself into the chair directly next to him.

“Those things are the devil. Worse than the devil actually! But my dog loves those beasts! They always make my Kkami run away from me! And then I have to parkour after him! And that hyperactive dog almost never listens to me when he senses a squirrel in a 5 Kilometer Radius! But somehow he listens to my boyfriend! He doesn’t even like dogs that much! He’s a cat person! I’ve spent my fair share running after Kkami when he’s chasing those little devils! That’s actually how I met my boyfriend! He’s the best!

Maybe I should thank Kkami then? Or a squirrel? I’ll just say it to you! You’re close enough to a squirrel! Thank you for giving me my boyfriend! I love him! I didn’t tell him yet! I probably should soon! On the topic of love, don’t you think this project is really vague? She didn’t even specify what she wanted to read in the essay!

I don’t even have any idea why I’m in this course! My major has nothing to do with it! I’m a dance major with a fashion design minor! My best friend is too, but he’s so much better than my at the fashion thing! He’s really pretty! He could be a model if he wasn’t so short! But modelling sounds so exhausting! I couldn’t do something like that!”

Jisung didn’t really know how to deal with people this enthusiastic so he decided to just let the boy keep rambling about everything and nothing, jumping from topic to topic as if he was participating in verbal parkour.

“Why aren’t you saying anything?”, Jisung didn’t even realise that Hyunjin expected him to give input to his babbling. He wouldn’t even know how to or when with the way Hyunjin wasn’t even taking a breath between his sentences. He could probably give Changbin and his rapping a run for his money with how unbelievably _fast_ he was talking. He started to be kind of amused by him so he smiled.

“I was wondering how you breathe with the way you’re talking like someone is trying to steal the words right out of your mouth.”, Jisung said.

He was surprised to see that Hyunjin started laughing when he finished his amused sentence. Well, Hyunjin was certainly _something._ Unable to not be amused by the expressive boy next to him, he started laughing along with Hyunjin who was flailing his long limbs around while laughing unashamedly. Hyunjin gripped the table tightly, his knuckles white as if that could stop his laughter from returning.

Somehow they found themselves joking around with each other instead of talking about the project. Soon it was lunchtime and Hyunjin suggested they go to the library and start brainstorming ideas for the project. Then he immediately started talking about some other random thing and strode in the direction of the library, expecting Jisung to follow. Jisung sighed. He thought Hyunjin had a funny, exiting personality, but to be honest, he was running out of breath just listening to him talk.

Hyunjin wouldn’t stop talking the whole way to the library. Jisung couldn’t help but think that Changbin and Chan would immediately adopt the overexcited boy if they ever were to meet him. Just the way they did with him. God, Changbin would probably make him rap for all of his songs with the way he talked like there was no tomorrow. Or have him compete to him in a rap battle. He couldn’t decide what he wanted to see more. Changbin trying to order Hyunjin around to perfect his song of Changbin failing miserably in a rap battle against him.

In the library Hyunjin suddenly went thoughtful. He just stopped talking. Just like that. Not saying a word for at least 10 minutes, staring into the air as if he could see time and space and what the meaning of life was. Jisung grew increasingly uncomfortable at the unexpected silence that stretched on and on. It was amazing for Jisung to see how quickly Hyunjins personality seemed from one extreme to the other. He shook his head slowly.

“Hyunjin? Hey, I thought you wanted to talk about the project?”, Jisung said quietly as if his words would interrupt Hyunjins thinking.

“Sh! I’m brainstorming!”

“Okay then...”

So Jisung started putting his own ideas onto paper. He made a mindmap and started fleshing out ideas, adding new things here and there. He wholeheartedly thought what he was doing right now was complete and utter _shit._ But he felt bad letting Hyunjin do all the thinking so he tried to at least contribute something to the cause. The focus was on _he tried_.

Out of nowhere Hyunjin groaned and dropped his head on the table, his hands almost touching the ground and shoulders sagging. That looked like it hurt. Jisung mused that Hyunjins expressive body language described _exactly_ what he was feeling right now.

“There. There.”, Jisung reached out to pat Hyunjins head at his misery.

“This is _bullshit._ How on earth am I not able to come up with something as simple as _love?_ What the fuck? I am in love right now! I have a boyfriend! I love him! Why? Just why? Why did Mother Earth decide to steal my poetic words in the face of a project worth a third of both of our grades? This is the worst day of my life! What the actual fuck!”, Hyunjins complaining was muffled as he screamed his frustration into the table.

Jisung chuckled at his dramatics and turned back to his mindmap. He rapidly recognised that this would go absolutely nowhere, so he closed his college block and banged both his hands on the table. The sudden attack on his current pillow made Hyunjin startle. He started flailing his arms around in the air as he tried not to fall to the ground. When he caught himself he gave Jisung a look that said “You’re dead to me!”, squinting eyes and all that included.

“Where going absolutely nowhere like this!”, Jisung echoed his thoughts. “We need to take a step back and look at the big picture. I think we’re not seeing the forest in the middle of all the trees, literally. We have so many ways this thing could go, but nothing feels right! So let’s stop. Let’s talk about something not directly correlated to the project but still within the subject of it! That way we’ll probably get an epiphany… Hopefully.”

Hyunjin stared at Jisung open mouthed. He shook his head. Then he closed his mouth again, but only to open it and start talking a millisecond later.

“Wow. That’s the most I’ve ever heard you talk. Wow. I honestly didn’t think you had an vocabulary with over 30 words.”

“That’s what you choose to focus on? Really?”

“Yes! You’re always so silent! It’s really weird! I would’ve tried talking to you if I didn’t think you were _mute._ ”, Hyunjin said. Somehow his words didn’t seem mean, just direct. It was rude in that one specific way where the speaker didn’t realise they were being rude so Jisung didn’t get mad or felt like he should be offended. It probably was something Hyunjin just did. Being direct.

“I’m not mute.”

“Obviously. I know that now.”

Their eyes met and both of them started dissolving into giggles at the comical expressions the other was wearing. Trying and failing to laugh soundlessly in the library Jisung had to press his hand to his mouth to keep moderately quiet. Hyunjin didn’t have the same qualms. He laughed brightly, throwing his head back, almost hitting the shelf behind him.

Out of the blue there were arms around his shoulders, holding him. Jisung jumped at the sudden touch. Hyunjin went silent, his naturally rounded eyes wide. Jisung turned to look who was holding onto him so firmly. _Jeongin_. Instantaneously Jisung relaxed into the touch. He smiled softly at him.

“What are you doing here?”, Jisungs mind was racing if he forgot a study date with Jeongin in the whirlwind that was Hyunjins company.

“I’m here to meet Seungmin. He needed help with something but he didn’t say what it was…”, Jeongin said. Then he turned to Hyunjin, eyes hard. “Who are you?”

“I’m Hyunjin... We’re here to work on a project... for english class. In all honesty, that project is ridiculous! We’re not getting any ideas! Not anything! It’s ridiculous! Anyway, you look like a fox, did you know? Are you two trying to take over a Zoo? How cute!”, Hyunjin started off talking hesitantly but as he did the last few hours he ended up zooming throughout his sentences like a train.

“Well… you kind of look like an alpaca. So you’re part of the zoo.”, Jeongin shot back without hesitation, voice not really teasing as it should’ve been. Jisung giggled at the comparisation of Hyunjin, expressive, talkative Hyunjin to a mellow alpaca. Jeongin relaxed, immediately let Jisung go and settled down beside him, lacing their hands together under the table.

“I do not!”

“Yes you do, alpaca boy.”, Jisung threw his own 50 cents into the conversation.

“I don’t! You’re being mean! I do _not_ feel appreciated here! You’re rude! Both of you! Rude, I tell you! I’m starting to miss the times you barely said a word, kid! Being all rude, hitting the table and comparing me to an _alpaca of all things_!”

Jisung just held out his free fist to Jeongin as Hyunjin threw his hissy fit. He bumped it with his own. The motion triggered another fit in Hyunjin. He actually stood up, his hands on the table and glared at the both of them. But the mischievous glint in his eyes softened his follow up.

“I am a majestic being of the forests! I am a fucking goddess! You can’t just tell me I’m an _alpaca_! I won’t stand for that! I’ll have to dust the dungeons for you both to rot in them! Honestly!”

“Aren’t dungeons supposed to be dusty? So that the prisoners are uncomfortable?”, Jisung tilted his head in question.

“No! Because I’m an _impeccable_ host, thank you very much!”, Hyunjin huffed and sat back down, his arms crossed, leaning back in his chair.

“But that doesn’t even make sense! Prisoners are supposed to be uncomfortable so that they reflect upon their wrongdoings! Are you baking them cookies too?”, Jisung continued.

“Yes. I’ll even bring them the good wine. I’ll charm them into reflecting. I’ll be so _fucking nice_ to them that they start to wonder why they were mean to me in the first place and then they’ll question reality and descend into madness.”, Hyunjin sounded like he actually had such a scenario planned out. It was kind of scary.

“Reverse Psychology. I like it.”, Jeongin added. He had a dangerous glint in his eyes. It made Jisungs head hurt. “When they descended into madness… what would be your next step?”

“Well… There are two ways I could continue this. One, I start playing hot and cold. Good cop, bad cop just as one person. Making them further question reality and driving them deeper and deeper into madness as they live in constant confusion and fear of my next step. Two, I kill them… or I make my boyfriend kill them. He probably would anyway… Personally, I like option one more because I think it’s worse to lose your mind then to lose your life, you know? When you’re mad you still have to live with yourself and brains can be scary places so to be in. Being left alone with that for the rest of you life can be really terrifying. If you die you’re just dead, that’s it. No further consequences. That just sounds like the easy way out to me.”

Jisung started in horror at Hyunjin. How that ray of fucking sunshine from just minutes ago could be an evil mastermind at the same time was beyond him. He feared what would happen if he ever decided to take over the world. Jisung shook himself. Nope, nope, no thinking about apocalypses today.

“You really thought about that, didn’t you?”, Jeongin seemed kind of interested in the prospect of driving someone into madness by playing manipulative, psychological games. What was happening? Jisung watched in horror as the both of them bonded over emotional torture.

“Yeah, I did. It’s interesting to know how basic manipulation can bring people to their knees. Not that I would ever do that. My boyfriend goes on his knees all by himself, so I don’t need to make him do it. Or anyone else really. People always tell me I’m charming, so I guess I don’t need to play games?”

“What else would you-”

“Innie! Stop! Hyunjin stop making Jeongin evil, you’re evil enough all by yourself! You don’t need to ensnare Jeongin in your evil ways!”, Jisung threw his hand up in expiration. “Honestly, what even is this conversation? We went from introductions to zoos to alpacas to prisoners to emotional manipulation in the span of a few minutes!”

“Face it, Jisung. You’re surrounded by pretty, evil people.” ,Hyunjin said. “I guess pretty and evil goes very well together, doesn’t it? I don’t understand how people always picture evil creatures as ugly. It makes no sense. The deadliest things on this planet are beautiful. Alcohol or cars! Autumn is the season of things dying, for gods sake. And I always hear people saying how pretty the changing colors of the falling leaves are! And what about animals! The deadliest ones all have pretty colors and beautiful structures! You know, like the blue ringed octopus for example! And don’t get me started on poisonous flowers! Aconitum flowers! Lily of The Valley! Oleanders! Fucking Azaleas!”

“Should I be concerned that you can list poisonous flowers off the top of your head?”, Jisung felt validated in earlier thought of Hyunjin being terrifying as a dictator or politician. God, he hoped Hyunjin never decided to go into politics. Or sience. Oh no, Hyunjin as a evil scientist was what would haunt Jisungs nightmares tonight. Jisung mentally added Hyunjin to his list of greatest fears.

“Isn’t that a normal thing to know?”

“No, it isn’t Hyunjin!”, Jisung wanted to bang his head on the table.

“There’s also Checkered Lily’s and Belladonnas?”, Jeongin said. Jisung gaped at him. Than he turned to glare at Hyunjin.

“Look what you did! Where did the sweet, innocent boy go that cried when we watched the “The Little Prince” animation movie last week? Hyunjin you’re corrupting him!”

Hyunjin just crackled evilly at Jisungs misery.

“He knew that by himself. You know what? I like you. I like both of you. You’re my friends now!”

“Oh no.”, Jisung put his head in his hand, seeing as his other one was still occupied by Jeongin holding it.

“Oh yes. You’re never getting rid of me now.”, Hyunjin said.

“Why does this sound so terrifying coming out of your mouth?”, Jisung had his entire world view turned upside down in the last few minutes.

“Because I’m threatening you.”, Hyunjin said those words like he was talking about the weather. “Give me your numbers and you’ll be okay.”

“No!”

“Yes! I need yours anyway for the project! We need to meet outside of class to somehow get this thing over and done with!”, there was the personality switch again.

Hyunjin had started talking excitedly again as Jisung Hyunjin had started talking excitedly again as Jisung asked himself how it was possible that he went from exited to existential to dramatic to talking about emotional torture to exited _again._ It gave Jisung whiplash.

In the end Jeongin gave his phone to Hyunjin so he could save both Jisungs number and his own.

“ _Jisungie with pink hearts_ , huh?”

“What?”

“What?”, Jeongin echoed. “You have my number saved with that one blushing emoji surrounded with hearts, don’t think I didn’t see!”

“Topic discontinued.”

Quickly after that Hyunjin almost ran out of the library after getting a call from his boyfriend. He sped away, excitedly muttering into the phone and Jisung sweared he heard the words: _“Surprise? For me?”_ and _“I really hope it’s the silk ropes”_ and _“what do you mean, it’s not? What could be better?”_. He disappeared, leaving Jisung and Jeongin sitting at the table slightly disturbed.

“Soo… wanna watch Tangled at mine?”

“What about Seungmin? Weren’t you supposed to meet him?”

“He just texted that something came up.”

“Okay. Let’s go.”, Jisung quickly gathered his stuff and left the library, his hand still laced with Jeongins, swinging forgotten between the both of them.


	8. CHAPTER EIGHT (Maximillian - Beautiful Scars)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy!!

Winter break started off with Jisung getting his second annual Christmas Card from Chan and Changbin. This year it was a picture of both of them dressed up as elves, facing towards the other and pointing at each other with their mouths wide open in silent shouting. But it was obvious to Jisung that they were having fun in the picture. He saw it in the way the both of them had smiles in their eyes and in the way Chan’s dimples were poking out on his face a tiny bit from a badly hidden grin.

Jisung couldn’t help but think that the image kind of fitting for the both of them. They bickered often but it was always in a way that was teasing. They knew what the other was thinking so they didn’t take what they were saying to heart. He couldn’t even imagine the both of them actually arguing. That would be bizarre. The thought of something as stable as the relationship between Chan and Changbin falling apart was kind of terrifying to Jisung. Something earth shattering would probably have to happen to be able to make those two not love each other anymore. Like an Apocalypse.

He wondered what it would be like to have someone who knew you inside out. To have someone who knew you better than they knew themselves. Who was home to you. What would that be like? Would it be suffocating to him? Would he like it? Would someone even manage to handle him at his worst? Was something like that even possible? What would happen when they eventually left him? Jisung shook himself at his thoughts.

It was weird to think that there could be a person out there somewhere who would be willing to spend the rest of their life with him. That somewhere out there was a person just for him. The thought seemed kind of impossible. With several billion people living on this planet the thought that there was just one person for him. The thought made him dizzy. He couldn’t even imagine such a humongous number of people and to think in between all of them was that one person... it was a weird concept. Big numbers have never been Jisungs forte.

He shook his head and started moving around to get the things he needed for his few weeks at home. He was unsure how to feel about seeing his family again soon and he would miss University, but he missed the landscapes by his hometown. He would miss Changbin and Chan and Hyunjin and Jeongin but all of them were going home to, so he would’ve had to miss them anyway. He still thought it was kind of weird and humorous that his number of friends doubled in his second year of university. Maybe he would get two more next year then the number would have tripled. He chuckled at himself.

Hyunjin actually held true to his words of not being able to get rid of him. He started texting Jisung almost without a break the moment he stepped out of the library, talking about how glad he was that they were friends know and telling him about his boyfriend and his dog and basically anything his curious mind came up with. It was kind of fascinating when the topics weren’t of the unnerving kind.

He was quickly told by that he was getting exactly the same treatment from Hyunjin. It led to the situation where all of them were sitting at lunch together and Hyunjin was having an existential crisis because he, for some reason, felt like no one really knew him. So to cheer him up Jeongin and Jisung started yelling out all the fun facts they knew about him through his text messages and when they met up.

It kind of did cheer him up, but Jisung got the feeling that it was more the fact that they ended up screaming the things they knew about him at him and less the actual things they screamed at him. He supposed that the things they knew about him were things Hyunjin kept on the surface of his personality. The depth of his character was something that was yet to be discovered.

As they were cramming for their exams Jisung learned that Jeongin was the type of person that didn’t handle stress very well. At all. He didn’t like being evaluated by professors or people in general in the first place. It made him shifty and insecure and overthink. He hated having people judge his every thought. Judge ever single word or number he put down on paper. He hated the thought of disappointing people so he always tried giving his all and more into every tiny, little thing he did, so he wouldn’t become another burden, another mistake to correct, another stupid kid that seemed to think they knew better than the anyone else, but that was obviously wrong.

Jisung was the the opposite. He was the type of person that thrived in stressful situations. Things like impending deadlines and exam dates gave him an actual reason to put work and thought into everything he did. They were his driving force. But not in the way that pressured him to work. No, it was like he could only work his way towards his goal if the finish line was already in sight and he just needed to go those last few meters to cross the line. So he started sprinting when he caught sight of the sweet salvation that was laying in front of him.

That mentality Jeongin hat almost made him run himself into the ground. Jisung tried his best to take at least a tiny bit of the burden Jeongin felt off of his shoulders. Jisung always had to force Jeongin to take breaks. And so they often found themselves taking tiny breaks between study sessions where they just sat on the stairs before the library and listened to music. They always alternated who got to choose.

When Jisung chose the music he almost always made sure to go for his happier playlists in the hopes of giving a bit of the light in his eyes back to Jeongin. He even tried to make the younger one smile by playing one of the cringier songs he made with Changbin and Chan when all of them were drunk off of cheap vodka and ice cream. The embarrassment he felt when he decided to play the song soon faded away as he got to see how Jeongin instantly brightened at the sound of Jisungs voice coming through the headphones. It was relieving that Jeongin started laughing as soon as he heard the words “excuse me noona, do you have a boyfriend?”.

They actually had to listen to the song several times in a row, because Jeongin couldn’t stop laughing while listening and he insisted between his laughter that he needed to hear all of it clearly. So they played it over and over again until Jeongin had listened to it without laughing once. But he didn’t wipe the grin off his face. In the end he had decided he loved the song and begged Jisung to send it to him so he could make it his ringtone.

Several days later someone called Jeongin when they were studying and he grinned evilly at Jisung and chuckled at the confused glances the other students were throwing them when Jisungs voice practically screamed, claiming some girl was hot out of Jeongins phone.

Jeongin wouldn’t stop teasing him about the miserable expression he wore when a girl actually came up to them a few minutes later and asked if he meant her and if he was being serious and then proceeded to ignore his embarrassed explanations. Jisung _didn’t appreciate_ that Jeongin found it funny he was forced to listen to a rant that objectifying women was an undoubtedly terrible thing to do. He knew that. But she didn’t know that he knew all what she was saying.

Jisung didn’t have the heart to tell her that the song was written as a joke by three guys that were some variation of queer and were definitely not interested in objectifying women at all. Chan once told him how Changbin punched a guy that harassed a girl at their school. He, for some reason, also got the feeling that the story behind the song wouldn’t have gone well over with her either. So he chose to stay quiet while she continued grilling him about his apparent sexism.

Jeongin seemed to genuinely enjoy his misery, seeing as he started jokingly calling him “misogynistic asshole worth nothing more than a shoelace” for the next few hours, which were the exact words the girl had called him. Jisung wondered if it was Hyunjin influence on Jeongin that made him a little sharper around the edges or if it was all him and he was just more comfortable and open with Jisung and willing to show him sides of him that he didn’t normally let others see.

It was probably a little bit of both, Jisung mused as he continued putting away stuff he would take home with him. It wasn’t that much he had to bring with him. Most of the things he could possibly need were at home, like his clothes and hygiene products. So he ended up just stuffing his laptop and some nicer shirts in his backpack. That was enough. If not he could steal stuff from his brothers closet. Problem fixed.

Jisung briefly thought about the project he still had to do for English Class. Hyunjin and him still often met to brainstorm but that somehow always ended with them talking about random topics rather then them being productive. Hyunjin had also texted him this morning about it.

_Any ideas for the project yet?_

_No._ , Jisung had answered him without hesitation.

 _Me neither._ , and they left it at that, neither of them wanting to worry anymore about a project they would probably write the week before the deadline. They would probably end up doing something very obvious but neither of them cared about that if they just got a passing grade. It didn’t matter anyway.

The break was going to be an experience. He just didn’t know if it would be a good one or a bad one. He hadn’t seen his family since he left for University directly after he was handed his high school diploma. He thought he wouldn’t want to go back. He didn’t need to. They were doing just fine without him he imagined. So spending Christmas with them this year would be weirdly unusual.

Christmas had always been something he wasn’t looking forward to. Stuffy family members visiting and obligations to get everyone the perfect gift and pretending that love was in the air wasn’t something Jisung could handle. He didn’t want to. It was suffocating.

  
He was sitting on the train, his head leaning on his hand, watching the landscape rushing away from him out of the window of the the moving train. It was soothing, in a way, to watch miles and miles of the earth passing by him in no time, not being able to catch all the details of the world around him just noticing the big picture. Normally he would stress to see every little detail. Normally he would stare at the picture around him trying desperately to notice the little things you couldn’t see directly. That didn’t immediately catch your eye.

But sitting on the train, not being able to notice all the little things surprisingly didn’t make him nervous. It was that way for Jisung, because on something as simple as a train you could just _be._ It was like an alternate reality.Nobody noticed him in here and the world around him is just out of reach, still there but he couldn’t really grasp it no matter how hard he tried to.

You couldn’t even make out any sounds from the world laying outside of the train, no cars, no birds, no wind, no sirens, no people. Nothing. It was as if there was nothing but him and the music playing trough the headphones.

He didn’t want to leave the calm behind but it was time for him to get off of the train, so he grabbed his stuffed backpack and made his way out of the train, the music still playing in his ears. The beat changed and the bass almost made Jisungs soul shake.

“Jisung! I’m so glad you’re here! Come on, come on put your stuff away and then we can talk. You need to tell me everything about University. You never text! What do you have a phone for when you don’t even try write me? How are your friends?”, Jisung had forgotten what a chatterbox his mother was. It was weirdly good to hear the familiarity of her curios rambling. He smiled at her hesitantly. Somehow despite the familiar rambling he didn’t know how to act in her presence now that it’s been so long that he had seen her.

“Hi mom. It’s been a while…”

“Yeah...”, she turned to look at him, her expression suddenly sad. “but it’s okay. I know... I know you needed to get out of here. I get that feeling too sometimes. It can be really suffocating in this town... You’re here now, that’s all I need.”

She hesitantly put her hand on his shoulder and sent a gentle smile at him. It made the room feel lighter.

“Okay.”

“So. Tell me? Did you make any new friends?”, she still had her hand on his shoulder, squeezing it lightly.

“You know about Chan and Changbin, right? Yeah, they both have internships at JYP... and Chan already has a job lined up directly after he graduates this year. And they are thinking about getting a dog or rather Chan is thinking about it and Changbin is just going with it. What else? Yeah, I may or may not have set Chan’s toaster on fire. It was an accident, I swear!”, he watched her reaction before he continued talking. Thankfully she just looked entertained at Jisungs helplessness in the kitchen.

“Yeah… that was that. I met Hyunjin because we’re working on a project together. He’s in my year and he’s really talkative, but kind of scary in a way. Most of the time he’s jumping from topic to topic like he needs to talk about everything all at once and sometimes it’s like he just utters the most complex, thought out things he could possibly come up with.  
And then there’s Jeongin, he’s a freshman. He’s really kind, sometimes he’s too kind if I’m being honest. And he’s really fun to hang out with. He kind of has this mixed personality where he’s like a grown up one minute and behaves like a kid the next. He’s kind of sassy too. He also looks like a fox. I mean he _really_ looks like a fox. He has these really sharp eyes and sometimes I think there’s nothing he can miss with them…”, Jisung froze and clamped his mouth shut as he registered that he was about to break into a ramble.

His mother had her chin on her hands, leaning forward towards him as he was talking. She had a weird glint in her eyes and a matching smile to boot. She looked like she stole some kids candy. Not that his mother would ever do something like that… at least he didn’t think she would. Then she stood up, moved to sit beside him on the couch and put her arm. She carefully pulled him into her side.

“I’m glad you have such nice friends. I know... it was hard for you here, not having anyone. Or not having anyone permanent. I really hoped you’d make friends now that you’re somewhere new. It must’ve been lonely.”, she looked so, so sad as she was talking in hushed tones to Jisung.

Jisung teared up. He turned his head and buried it in her shoulder, she didn’t need to see the tears threatening to fall out of his eyes.

“It’s not your fault.”, Jisung said into her shoulder. He felt his mother shake her head.

“It kind of is, Jisungie... I always told you you didn’t need anyone. I wanted to make sure you wouldn’t ever need anyone. I always said you’d be better off by yourself instead of letting someone in and you took that to heart too much. You isolated yourself, Jisungie. I shouldn’t have said something like that so carelessly. It made you always look for the worst in people and you didn’t ever let yourself show them who you really were because of it. I’m sorry. I thought it would protect you… in the end it just my baby hurt.”

He never imagined his mother would acknowledge it. It was always a game of pretending not to notice that he was so lonely, so stuck inside his own head and not willing to let anyone in. He always thought that she was right. He always wanted to make her proud and so he stuck with what she always repeated to him when he was younger. He always thought people would hurt him when he tried to let them in. And they did.

But few and far in between there were these tiny glances of friendship he always had relished in. It made him want more. It made him want to have his own friends with whom he could talk about everything with. It made him want people around him who he could be there for and who ,in turn, would be there for him too. It never happened. Nobody ever wanted him to be there permanently, nobody ever needed him. So he closed himself off. Again and again. Never, not ever letting anyone near his heart for years on end.

It was confusing. It was so very confusing to want someone he could turn to so badly, to be so deathly afraid of loneliness, of being left behind again and again, but at the same time not letting anyone be there for him. Wanting it and pushing it away at the same time. He had been hurt a few times too many by people who just wanted him in their life for a moment and he just took that as a to him justifiable reason not to let anyone come close to him ever again.

It took Chan and Changbin taking him in, adopting him, without his own consent might he add, that he realised the mindset he had ingrained in his very soul was toxic. When he met them they were so comfortable with each other, having known each other for years that it made him jealous of their relationship.

He wanted to have someone knowing him like that so badly. He wanted that always following shadow of loneliness _gone._ But he was so afraid. And then they wouldn’t leave him alone. No matter what he did, they just _wouldn’t_ _leave him alone._ They were so persistent, they wore him down and in the end he just thought to himself _one last time._

So he let them be his friends and waited for the moment they realised he wasn’t worth it. He waited for them to leave. He waited and waited and then someday he just forgot he had to wait for them to leave because they never did. They stayed. Just like that. No matter what he threw at them they kept him by their sides.

His old mindset was still not completely gone. He knew that something ingrained in his very soul wouldn’t leave ever leave him alone easily. He still had this infinite fear inside of him that people he liked, no people he _loved_ would leave him, that they would just leave him like that. Like he was nothing. Leave him to be alone with his head and the mess inside of him once again. That they didn’t think he was worth the trouble. That no one ever would. Sometimes his head was screaming so loudly at him that no one would ever want to stay. And Jisung was so, _so_ _weak_. He always believed what it told him. He always did.

Jisung and his mother stayed there for a long time, sitting on the worn out couch, just hugging it all out. There were many things left unsaid. Many things they still had to talk about, things they should talk about. But for now sitting here in his mother’s arms, holding her close after so long, having a tiny part of his aches relieved was enough.

His mother started patting his hair, just the way she always did when he crawled into her bed after a nightmare. Quietly she started humming a familiar tune into his ears. _You are my sunshine._

The dam broke. Jisungs shoulders started shaking and he couldn’t hold back the tears anymore, no matter how hard he tried. Years of fear and hurt and longing were rushing out of him as he felt _safe_ in his mother’s arms. Jisung felt like he was four years old again, turning to his mother for comfort after a long, terrifying nightmare. A comfort he had desperately longed for.

It took a while for Jisung to calm the hot tears flowing rushing down his cheeks and his uncontrollable shaking shoulders. He wiped his eyes on his sweater and smiled shakily at his mother, who returned it equally shaky as her eyes were still glimmering with her own unshed tears. The tears that were in her eyes for the pain she caused her son. Fortunately, his mother decided to break the silence.

“Let’s go bake some cookies. We both need some right now.”

“You’ll let me in the kitchen?”

“I meant that I’ll be making the cookies and you’ll be sitting there eating the cookie dough.”

“You want me to die of salmonella!”, his voice was still trembling.

“You’d be eating it anyways!”, she said. “I’ll eat it too and we’ll just die together.”

“Okay. Let’s go eat some cookie dough.”

While preparing the cookie dough his mother started talking about everything that happened in the family since he’s been gone. One of his uncles apparently went to jail in turkey because he tried to drunkenly jump out of a hotel window on the 14th floor into the pool that was below and his brother was getting married soon so he would be spending this Christmas with his fiancée. It was a light conversation filled with easy laughter and stuffing their faces with sugar cookie dough until there was only enough of it left for barely 3 small cookies.

Night came quickly and Jisung found himself laying on the tiny bed of this childhood bedroom. The ceiling looked just as it did before he left. White and empty. He was glad to be back home. It felt comforting to know that some things stayed the same while others changed. The conversation with his mother earlier still weighed on his conscious and Jisungs eyes wouldn’t close. So he just laid there, taking in the familiar slight of the white ceiling above him until his body was heavy with fatigue and his eyes finally fell shut.

Through the next days he found himself constantly texting his friends. Hyunjin took to spamming him with countless pictures and short updates. Chan on the other hand texted him a lengthy update almost every night, while Changbin only sent him pictures. Jeongin texted him sparingly throughout the day, too engrossed in being back with his family but somehow still remembering to take the time to write him. Just as he expected, he missed all of them very much. The phone never left his hands, constantly awaiting new messages eagerly.

A ringing broke the current silence, where he was sitting in the living room with his parents. Jisung jerked up and held his phone in front of his face, holding it tightly in both of his hands. It was a FaceTime call. _Jeongin._ Jisung picked up so fast that his old, cracked phone froze for a second. Impatiently he waited for his phone to get a grip. As soon as he saw a grinning Jeongin through the phone an equally bright smile grew on Jisungs face.

“Hi.”, Jisung breathed out.

“Hey. What are you doing right now? You’re not busy right now, are you? I can leave you alone if you’re busy...”

“No! No, I’m not busy. We can talk, just wait a second…”, Jisung quickly stood up from the couch, threw a wave at his family and sped away to his room.

“So… why are you calling?”, Jisung asked as he settled on the bed.

“I missed your face… and my family was being annoying. I needed a reason to get out.”

Jisungs cheeks heated up. He was glad the sun was going down maybe in the weird lighting it wouldn’t be that visible to Jeongin.

“Oh… why? What’s going on?”

“They just started teasing me and it was getting too much…”

“Oh no! Was it something bad? Were they being mean to you? I’ll come fight them!”

“No. No it wasn’t bad it just got a bit uncomfortable and embarrassing. You don’t have to fight anyone for me!”

“Okay… so what did you do today?”

“Oh! I went to the arcade with my younger brother and he totally destroyed me! They had a game there that…”, as Jeongin continued rambling about his day Jisung couldn’t stop appreciating him. The fact that he unexpectedly called him pleased him. He felt appreciated. Jeongin looked really nice in the low lighting with the sun going down and illuminating his face gently. His eyes were crinkling up as he rambled excitedly about his day. How was it even possible that Jisung could make out over the phone that Jeongins eyes were glowing in the sunset? How? What kind of sorcery was going on in Jeongins phone that he didn’t look like a potato over FaceTime? “… and then we had dinner and it started out real nice but they, out of nowhere might I add, started asking questions about University and they started teasing me. Then everything went downhill from there, so I left them and I called you and yeah... here we are.”

“It sounds like a really nice day. I’m glad you had fun today.”

“And you?”

“My day was good. Definitely not as exiting as you day was.”, Jisung just had to tease him about his rambling. Every time he teased him it made Jeongin look so disgruntled. It was cute.

“Well tell me about it!”

“It was honestly nothing interesting… we just ate and watched movies. The usual.”

“Okay… so how is your English project coming along? Did you guys work something out?”

“No! There’s nothing! It’s like we’re both baby giraffes falling on our faces… we can’t come up with anything. We’ll probably end up writing something really stupid. Or we’ll both end up sitting in the library for hours on end doing nothing just to turn in that one thing Hyunjin wrote the other day…”, Jisung giggled as he recalled what Hyunjin did.

“What did he do?”

“He just snatched the paper out of my hand and wrote in all caps: _HOW LOVE CHANGES THIS BOYS MOOD. THIS PROJECT IS STUPID, COME UP WITH SOMETHING BETTER NEXT TIME!_... and then he proceeded to write out every possible swear word and insult he could come up with. He got really creative in the end… it’s a shame that none of us are as creative when it comes to the project itself.”

Jeongins laughter ringed trough the phone. When he looked at the screen Jisung noticed that he couldn’t see Jeongin anymore. He must’ve thrown the phone away in the midst of his laughing fit.

“Only Hyunjin… honestly!”, Jeongin sounded breathless.

“Yeah… I actually kept the paper because it was so hilarious... maybe I’ll really turn it in.”

Jeongin chuckled at him.

“Please do it! I’ll get you ice cream if you do!”

“Are your bribing me with ice cream? If yes, then consider me bribed.”

“It’s this easy to bribe you? Okay I’ll file that information away for another time. Maybe I’ll bribe you to do my assignments for me?”

“As if you would. You’re way too hardworking to make someone else do your work. And you should bribe me to do it to begin with, because I would probably do it way worse then you and then your GPA would go to shit.”

“True.”, Jeongin smirked at him trough the screen.

Jisung let out an exaggerated offended gasp.

“So… I was looking for gift ideas earlier and I saw these really funny gift cards and on it…”, they started talking about random topics. They jumped from subject to subject, looking at each other through the phone, giggling and joking around and teasing each other until the sun was long gone and the moon shone through Jisungs window. They talked until their eyes grew heavy and both of them started to yawn more than they talked.

“Innie.”, Jisung whispered, but he noticed that Jeongin was laying on the other side, eyes closed, mouth opened slightly, breathing deeply. Jisung smiled at the sight and just continued looking at him for a tiny moment longer. He took a screenshot.

“Good Night, Jeongin. Sweet dreams… we’ll talk tomorrow, I promise.”, then he hung up the call, put his own phone away and finally let sleep find him.


	9. CHAPTER NINE (Jeremy Zucker - comethru)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soo... I really shouldn’t be allowed to write anything when I’m sleep deprived, but the words just start coming out of my brain like crazy when I’m tired, so I guess you’ll have to live with the weird conversations in this chapter... Just consider it a comedic relief!
> 
> Enjoy!!

“HAN JISUNG! Come here immediately and tell me how much you missed me!”

“Oh god no…”, he mumbled to himself before screaming back at Hyunjin who was standing there, across campus, waving at him with both of his lanky arms. “Are you threatening me again? I thought we went over that! You can’t just casually start threatening people. It’s rude, Hyunjin.”

“Yes, I am! And Yes I can! You should know that by now! I do it often enough!”, Hyunjin was running towards him while screaming his lungs out. How on earth did he have such a enormous lung capacity? It was ridiculous. When he was a few meters in front of Jisung he stopped running and continued his way skipping towards him instead as he waved at him with both of his hands while grinning charmingly. He looked like something out of a children’s movie. He probably was.

Before Hyunjin started screaming at him from across campus Jisung was waiting for Chan and Changbin to meet him after their classes because they insisted on taking him to their place to eat and catch up. Apparently they didn’t trust anyone else to make him eat a sufficient amount. They were like that most of the time. It was sweet. But sometimes it could become overbearing. They were worse then his real mother most of the time with the way they had a pressing need to take care of him, to provide him food and shelter and all the love they could possibly give him.

It was ridiculous that they wanted to fatten him up after the holidays but Chan and Changbin just did as Chan and Changbin did. If they had their way they would try to make him put on weight all year round but if Jisung was good at something it was disappearing when something was avoiding people when they wanted to make him do things he didn’t see the need to do.

While he waited he tried to answer Jeongins text messages about what he was doing right now and when they would start to continue their study dates, before Hyunjin so rudely interrupted him. Hyunjin who was currently enveloping him in a hug. He just waltzed to him and lifted him up in his arms, not caring if it would be uncomfortable for Jisung when his feet were barely touching the ground and he couldn’t really get away from the lanky force of nature.

“Jisung! I missed you!”, Hyunjin was trying to suffocate him with his hug. Jisung hadn’t expected that lanky limbs like Hyunjins could carry so much strength in them, but as Jisung always thought in his presence, maybe it was just a Hyunjin thing. He tried to return the hug immediately, despite feeling like the life was squeezed out of him and not being able to really move his arms. He ended up just patting Hyunjins sides.

“I missed you too… do you have classes today? Why are you here?”

“I was just coming from the Bathroom and then I saw you! That was a blessing, I’ll tell you! I was so unbelievably bored today! But you can entertain me now! I could make you wear the dress I’m making for class! It’s a princess gown!”, as always Hyunjin just started rambling without a pause so Jisung quickly started talking in between Hyunjins fast paced sentences.

“I’m actually meeting Chan and Changbin today… they should be here soon.”

“Oh! That’s amazing! I can meet them! We can all make you wear the dress together! It’s really pretty, I swear! It’ll look even prettier on you! You’ll be a pretty squirrel princess!”, Hyunjin, as usual, started chattering around excitedly, his hands gesturing down his body to make it seem like he was wearing a dress as he crossed one leg before the other, making it stick out cutely.

“I don’t know, Hyunjin… aren’t you meeting your boyfriend today?”, Jisung didn’t feel like wearing a dress today or on any other day, really. But knowing Hyunjin he would have to do so very soon… so he already mentally started preparing himself for the day he would have to wear that specific princess gown. At least he would look pretty for once.

“No. If I were I wouldn’t be bored right now, but daydreaming about him. I really want to see you wearing the dress! Jisung, please wear the dress! I’ll give you ice cream!”, Jisung squinted at Hyunjin in suspicion as he heard those words.

“No. I have plans.”

“Aw, damn. Jeongin said that would work… why didn’t it work?”, Hyunjins shoulders almost sagged to the ground as he tried to look as dramatically defeated as possible. Jisung thought he was holding back a bit today. Normally he would have just sagged to the ground pretending to die of a fatal wound or something.

Hyunjin did know where stab wounds would be fatal. Hyunjin had told Jisung about it in great detail during an impromptu conversation about self defence and Jisung honestly couldn’t decide if he should start to be seriously concerned by the amount of incriminating knowledge Hyunjin had or if he should just let him be and hope he wouldn’t ever use it. Or would start to conspire with someone who had less restraint. He wouldn’t tell him about the origins of his knowledge anyways. Maybe it was better that way...

“Hah! I knew it! You two are conspiring against me in secret.”, Jisung pointed his finger accusingly at Hyunjin. Secretly without planning to ever let Hyunjin know about it, he was thinking, _it didn’t work because your eyes didn’t sparkle._

“We didn’t even do it in secret! Most of the time we do it when you’re sitting right next to us. You just don’t notice because you’re staring in the air either very dreamily or melancholically.”, Hyunjin leaned down to be able to see eye to eye with Jisung and pointed his second finger directly in front of his eyes, waving it around in front of his face.

Hyunjin continued his monologue. “Why is that, by the way? Are you hiding something? Did you get a dog? I hope for you that didn’t get a squirrel! You know I hate those little devils! But it wouldn’t be weird for the squirrel princess to adopt a bunch of squirrels, wouldn’t it? Just don’t let them near Kkami!”, Jisung smiled and rolled his eyes at Hyunjins antics. A voice cut through the air before Jisung got the chance to answer one of the many questions Hyunjin had thrown at him.

“ Why would he get a dog? Jisungie, did you get a dog without consulting us? The betrayal! You knew we wanted to get one first!”, it was Chan. Changbin appeared right after him, obviously. They immediately settled on either side of Jisung, probably thinking he was being threatened. When he wasn’t. Or was he? Honestly, with Hyunjin you couldn’t ever be sure you weren’t being threatened. Jisung just hoped that Hyunjin was the type of person to never let his treats become more than that. If he decided to do put any bite behind his bark, then not even the Gods could help them anymore.

“Hi! It’s so nice to meet you both! Jisung always tells stories about you guys! You sound hilarious! I really wanted to meet you guys! But Jisung always changed the topic! Or I did! Anyways, it’s really nice to finally meet you guys! I heard Jisung set your toaster on fire! How did that happen? Can you tell me other stories about Jisung? He always stops halfway trough a story!”

Jisung noticed Chan and Changbin looking at each other over his own head before Chan stepped forward and threw his arm around Hyunjins shoulder.

“You must be Hyunjin. Jisung told us so much about you! We were curious if you were really how he said you were… anyway, I’m Chan!”, he pointed at himself and then at Changbin: “and that’s my husband Changbin and we’re adopting you. You may call us mom and dad. Jisung already does…”

“Nice! I’d love to be adopted! I’m going to tell my mom! She can get the papers! We’ll make it official!”, Hyunjin excitedly threw his arm around Chan too.

“I do that because you’re literally like overbearing parents…”, Jisung whispered to himself at the same time. Changbin put him in a headlock without hesitation and started dragging him around that way, while incoherently complaining about Jisungs lack of love for them.

“Changbin stop hurting our child! Didn’t you see how thin and fragile he looks after not being fed properly over the holidays! You’re going to break him!”, Chan hit Changbin on the shoulder, making him let go of Jisung.

“I was away for the holidays! It was Christmas! We spent most of our time eating fatty and sugary foods! I’m neither thin nor fragile!”

“I don’t know… you look kind of peckish to me!”, Hyunjin threw in.

“I do not. My mom, and no Chan I don’t mean you right now, made me eat so much these past few weeks that I almost rolled back to my apartment. I really missed my cereal… she made me eat “real things” as she calls them in the morning, apparently cereal doesn’t qualify as real food. I didn’t realise it was made out of plastic.”

The three others just shook their heads at his complaints and Chan just gestured at his body. “Well, obviously none of it stuck to you! You look thinner and thinner every time I see you!”

“I always weigh exactly the same. I don’t lose weight. I’m not as thin as you say I am!”

“Sweetheart, you need to learn that I don’t really care if you think you’re not thin. You look thin to me and that’s reasonable enough to make you eat.”, Chan stood there with his hands on his hips looking like a mother that was about to beat him with her wooden spoon for daring to disagree.

“You’re my mom not my grandma… or should I promote to grandmother already?”

“Jisung are you pregnant? Why didn’t you tell me! I want to be the Fairy Godmother!”, Hyunjins sudden input into the conversation somehow didn’t seem like it didn’t belong. It fit right in with the other nonsense that was happening. On top of it he was smiling almost so unbelievably widely Jisung almost wanted to start counting his teeth. How many teeth were there supposed to be again? 32? Jisung wasn’t a dentist so he didn’t care to know. Hyunjin probably knew how many teeth people were supposed to have and how to correctly remove each and every one of them.

“I’m not pregnant! I can’t even get pregnant. No one would want to get me pregnant, could you imagine half squirrel looking children? Now that’s a disturbing thought.”

“I think it would be kind of cute.”, Changbin said.

“You just want to be a grandpa, admit it!”, Chan pointed at Changbin accusingly.

“Of course! I’d love to live the rest of my life just chilling and going fishing with my grandchildren!”

“You don’t even know how to fish, dumbass.”

“I can learn! It’s probably not that hard!”, Changbin huffed.

“But you need patience for fishing and that’s certainly something you have a significantly small amount of. May I remind you of the time you tried to go emo and then gave up on the second day because it was too much work and everything was annoying you?”, Chan rolled his eyes.

“I did that in the spirit of being emo.”

“You did that because you’re lazy and you hate things that require more effort then necessary if it’s not music or your friends.”

“And you.”

“And me, yes. I know. Now admit that you’re lazy.”, Chan had his arms crossed as he stared Changbin down.

“I admit to nothing. I’ll kindly plead the fifth, you can talk to my lawyers.”, Changbin just waved his hand at Chan in joking dismissal.

Jisung watched his friends bicker as they usually did. Then he looked at Hyunjin who was unusually quiet. He was amazed to see that Hyunjin was staring at them open mouthed, eyes going back and forth like ping pong balls. It was like he was trying to decipher everything that was going on in the conversation. The plot, the body language, the subtext, the nonverbal communication everything all at once. He probably managed to. Jisung gave that one up a long time ago. Even he couldn’t even fully understand what they were saying to each other out loud no less the stuff that was happening in between their real sentences.

Out of nowhere Hyunjins eyes focused on something in the background and before Jisung could ask what he saw, Hyunjin had already thrown his arms up, waving them around wildly while jumping up and down. “JEONGIN! HERE! No, no not there! OVER HERE!”, Hyunjin tried to make himself as tall as possible, standing on his tiptoes.

Jisungs hands started shaking. No, it wasn’t supposed to happen _now. Not now._ Suddenly everything felt hot and cold and shifty all at once. He tried to decipher if it was in a good way or a bay way and he had to settle with both. The prospect of seeing Jeongin again so soon after coming home was honestly like a blessing to Jisung. But having him meet his friends suddenly, without warning or time to mentally prepare for something big like this was sending shivers down his spine. And not the good kind.

 _Relax, calm, breathe._ It was just people meeting new people. Totally normal. No reason for panic. It was just normal for humans to meet new humans, nothing unusual. Just try to relax and let everything play out. It’ll be alright, Jisung told himself. At last, he managed to get his initial reaction under control. He still felt uncomfortable at the prospect of all the different layers of friendships he had intermingling. It was too unexpected.

He opened his eyes to see that Jeongin was almost there, so he just tried to forget about the fact that he would meet his adoptive parents just about now and turned his focus entirely on Jeongin to keep relatively calm. Just focusing on him, not the surrounding circumstances. He waved at him and then instantly opened his arms for Jeongin. Jeongin almost skipped over to him, smiling brightly. The hug, regrettably, was of the tight but short kind. It would have to do.

“I missed you so much.”, Jisung whispered to him.

“I missed you too. Let’s never do that again.”, for a moment Jeongin held him tighter. Then he let go and took a step back to pull Hyunjin in a short hug too. Hyunjin took that as a sign to speak loudly.

“Jeongin, my sweet devil child. It’s so good to see you! I missed you! I tried to get Jisung to wear my princess gown! The ice cream trick didn’t work! You lied!”

“Hi, Hyunjin. Good to see you too. Why? Why didn’t it work?”

“He wouldn’t say! Or I guess I didn’t let him say it…”, Hyunjin rubbed his neck.

“It should’ve! He loves ice cream... maybe if you tried it with cheesecake?”, Jisung reassured him while pasting his shoulder.

“Maybe... I’ll just threaten him. That always works!”

Chan and Changbin looked at each other again for a split second before Chan moved to pat Jeongins head.

“We’re adopting you too. I’m Chan by the way and that right there is my husband Changbin!”

“Do I have a say in that? I already have parents...”, he looked at Jisung questioningly who just shrugged at him while grinning brightly because of his friends antics.

“Oh sweet child. You don’t know anything. You’re our kid now.”, Changbin said.

“They do whatever they want. They won’t leave you alone. Just go with it and it’ll be fine.”, Jisung continued grinning at his friends.

“You’d be dead without us. Stop being so ungrateful.”, Chan grinned too as he spoke to him.

“Oh no. I am grateful, I’m just giving him the advice I wish someone had given me.”

“Okay kids! Let’s go! Mummy is going to cook us something nice!”, Changbin started pushing all of them in the direction of their apartment complex.

They started walking, Chan and Changbin walking ahead and the rest of them following like baby ducks. Hyunjin started excitedly recounting everything he did during his break, repeating what Jisung and Jeongin already heard in his countless text messages. As they were marching through the streets together Jisung wondered what he was so worried about before

All of them fitted together like puzzle pieces and in that moment it was like everything would be alright. Jisung looked at each of his friends fondly, now grateful that all of them finally met. It felt like family. Just _better_.


	10. CHAPTER TEN (Day6 - Best Part)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy reading!!!

The librarian was probably debating whether she should quit her job. Right now she was scolding a drunk student crying over a Jane Austen Novel. Jisung was unsure if he was crying because of the plot or because he had to read the book. Honestly if Jisung had her job he would’ve quit a very long time ago. He supposed that it was being asked to much for one person to deal with so much shit from helpless, sleep deprived University students. They did the most ridiculous things they could come up with. 

He once saw someone attempting to build a fort out of books they needed for a project. Another time there was a group of at least twenty students in here having a sword fighting contest with exclusively silver pens. The things a young mind could come up with, just to get out of doing the things they needed to do, were mind blowing.

Jisung wasn’t any better than them, by any means. He just didn’t to things quite as ridiculous as that. He instead spent his time making new songs that weren’t for his classes or spent his time with his friends. It wasn’t as if they would make him work if he spent time with them. Chan and Changbin just let him do his thing. They only cared about the fact that he was fed and happy. Hyunjin, without fail, was enthusiastic to spend time with him. They spent the times they got together trying new ice cream flavours. Somehow he always found a new one every other week, so they stared having bi-weekly ice cream meetings. And Jeongin was always willing to spend time with him, most of the time they stuck to their study dates and movies, spending most of their time just cuddling and talking.

It was a curious thing that there were people with whom you could never run out of conversation topics, always finding something new to talk about or finding silly ways to spend their time with. One evening they started scrolling through the horoscope hashtag on Instagram, just reading out things that each of their zodiac sings were supposed to do or to like. 

None of them even knew anything about horoscopes, so they were surprised to see that you can have different times of zodiacs and that you also apparently had a rising sign, that you grew into during your life. What was up with that? Couldn’t he just be one thing? Was it like a multiple personality disorder but with zodiacs?

It went so far that they searched for their entire star charts, just to know exactly what was going on in there and to look if it was any accurate. They were surprised to see that the stuff written in there actually held some truth in it and admittedly both of them were kind of freaked out that the stars could tell them who exactly they were as people. 

It sent Jeongin into a fit complaining about how the stars should not be able to know so much about him and that they were almost as bad as black holes. Jisung giggled the entire time Jeongin directed sharp words at his phone and the stars and the universe in general. He got almost as creative as Hyunjin in the paper he wrote. Jisung kind of wished he had filmed the fit Jeongin threw that day, but he just settled with taking a Polaroid picture.

During the time they spent together Jeongin took to taking it with him everywhere he went, taking snapshots of anything and everything he found intriguing. Jisung often stole it out of his hands to take his own pictures. When Jisung walked into his apartment the other day he was shocked to see how many pictures there were laying around on various surfaces, so he put up strings on the walls and attached all of the pictures to them. There were pictures of all his friends, sometimes of all of them together. It made him feel better about his apartment. It almost seemed like a home. _Almost._

They were having one of their usual study dates, Jisung spending his time writing nonsensical lyrics on a spare paper while Jeongin was actually revisiting his notes he took during today’s classes. Jisung was currently sitting next to Jeongin, mindlessly playing with his hand, trying to get his words fit together in some way and not have them seem like a kindergartener wrote them when he felt Jeongin looking at him. Jisung sighted and put his pen on the table.

“What is it?”

“You haven’t met Seungmin yet… want to meet him?”, Jeongin tilted his head while looking at Jisung.

Jisung had heard so much about Seungmin from Jeongin that it was as if he already knew him. It was cute to see how Jeongin talked about his best friend, his eyes shining even more than usual and excitedly gesturing while recounting stories of various mischief they had caused during the time they have been friends. The way Jeongin talked about him was always filled with so much love and appreciation made Jisung glad Jeongin had such a good friend to rely on. Seungmin seemed like a great person if he could trust what Jeongin was saying. And Jisung trusted him. Wholeheartedly. Without a single doubt.

“Yeah. Sounds good.”

“Okay, nice. He’s coming in five minutes.”, Jisungs whole body clammed up.

“What? Right now? You want me to meet Seungmin like... right now? I look like I haven’t slept in two weeks! Why?”

“You look fine. He’s going to like you, don’t worry.”, Jeongin patted his shoulder reassuringly, but the look in his eyes made Jisung think that he was amused by him freaking out.

“No! I need to make a good impression! He’s your best friend! I can’t do that looking like the walking dead!”, Jisungs wide eyes nervously shifting, looking for a sign if Seungmin was already there.

This was going to be a disaster. He wasn’t mentally prepared to meet anyone new right now, no less Jeongins best friend. The best friend that had the privilege to decide if he was good enough to continue being friends with Jeongin, so yes, he was definitely panicking right now. He debated briefly if he should just pack up his stuff and leave. Or would that be too rude? He was about to pull out his backpack from under the table when Jeongin suddenly took his face in his hands to get him to look at him.

Jisungs backpack fell to the ground. His face was unbelievably close to Jisungs own. Jisung couldn’t look away from those bright eyes if his tried, which he didn’t. Ha was too mesmerised by the glowing, sharp eyes in front of him. Jeongin looked fierce. There was a certain kind of beauty in the way Jeongin managed look so very soft one second and like he could try to conquer the world and be successful at it in the next.

“It’s going to be okay. He’s going to like you, you don’t need to worry. It will be fine.”, Jeongin seemed so sure of it, it almost made Jisung believe him. “You are going to stay here and you are going to meet him and everything will be fine. Don’t worry.”, Jeongin started stroking Jisungs cheeks with his thumbs understandingly.

“But-”

“No. It’s going to be fine. You don’t have to worry about a thing. I’ve already told him so much about you and he’s really exited to meet you, so just try to relax. It’s going to be just fine.”

Neither of them found it necessary to move away. Jeongin didn’t let go of his face, all things considered it was probably because he feared Jisung would bolt away if he did. And the only thing Jisung could do was continue staring into Jeongins eyes and surrender. It was too easy to forget everything that should make him anxious, looking into Jeongins eyes, just setting aside everything else.

A voice broke the silence that settled around them. “Am I interrupting something? I can leave if you want me to…”

Jisungs head snapped to the direction the new voice came from. There stood a boy wearing a soft, knitted sweater, his eyebrow raised mockingly at them. He looked like the kind of person that would cry over pictures of puppies and Jisung just couldn’t match the person standing in front of them with the sharp-worded boy Jeongin always describe to him.

Jisung cleared his throat and moved his face out of the warm hands holding him. Straight away he started missing the touch, so breathed in and out deeply and quickly to gather himself.

While he did that, Seungmin sat down at the table across from them and stretched his hand out for Jisung to shake. Jisung hesitantly grabbed it. Seungmin had a firm grip against Jisungs own softer one and Seungmin gave their hands two abrupt shakes before pulling his hand away again.

“You must be Jisung. Jeongin told me very much about you. Only good things, don’t worry. I’m Seungmin.”, he had a barely there smile on his face. It was obvious he didn’t feel the need to smile brightly at Jisung to be polite, just settling with what he probably usually did in the presence of other people, just as Jeongin always told him.

“Yeah, I’m Jisung. It’s nice to finally meet you. Honestly with all the stories I heard about you it felt like we’ve already met.”, as he spoke he felt Jeongin pat his knee gently to reassure him.

“Yeah, same here. It’s amazing how he can talk about you for hours on end without stopping to think once.”, Seungmin smirked at him.

“Really? That’s nice… I guess it must’ve been a bit boring for you… I’m not that incredibly interesting. But you survived, that’s something!”, Jisung chuckled. Out of the corner of his eyes he saw Jeongin pout at his words, so he turned his head to pout back at him. “Don’t pout. You look like a sad baby fox and it’s making me sad too. Look!”

“Well you look like a sad baby squirrel. So I guess we’re both going to be sad today.”

Seungmin laughed in his hand at their interaction. Curiously they fell into easy chatter about the things they already knew about each other that they heard from Jeongin. While they talked Seungmin’s eyes flickered over them every once in a while and then started filling with wonder. Sometime after Jeongin excused himself to go to the bathroom and Seungmin stopped in the middle of the sentence he was saying to ask Jisung a question.

“Is he always this touchy with you?”

“Huh? What do you mean?”

“He’s always touching you. Playing with your hands and patting your knee, stuff like that… you know?”, Seungmin waved his hands in the air, as if that would explain his thoughts better.

“Is that not normal? We’ve always done that…”

“Oh. Okay, cool.”, Jisung couldn’t read Seungmin’s expression. Is was a weird mix of thoughtful and confused and something else Jisung couldn’t quite put his finger on.

“Is that a bad thing?”, Jisung looked intensely down at his hands, eyebrows furrowing in confusion.

“No! It’s not. It really isn’t. He just... he never does that with anybody else. It’s always just short hugs or ramming elbows into someone’s side. I’ve never seen him act so gentle around anybody. It’s unusual, yes, but it’s not a bad thing.”, Seungmin smiled at him.

“If you say so…”, Jisung sent him an unsure smile in return.

Why would Jeongin behave out of the usual with him? Was it because he knew that Jisung needed human touch to function? Was it because he met him the second when Jisung was hurting more than usual and weak and he felt the need to constantly reassure him? Was it pity? As his mind were filling with questions that were left unanswered Seungmin stared at him with his head slightly tilted, as if he was debating on telling him something.

Just when Seungmin opened his mouth Jeongin returned to the table and settled down, instantly taking Jisungs hand in his own, sending him a little, bright smile. Jisung couldn’t help but squint his eyes searchingly, looking down at their joined hands. Jeongin squeezed it, making Jisung look at him, and tilted his head in question. Jisung just shook is head softly in return and turned to Seungmin to ask him questions about his major. They stayed there in the library just talking to each other until it closed and all of them parted ways to catch up on the sleep all of them desperately needed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahh yes, another Chapter of Jisung being oblivious... it’s the last one I promise!!  
> (The title song is Day6 bc of Seungmin💕 and tbh bc Day6 needs more love🥺!)


	11. CHAPTER ELEVEN (SYML - Better)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy!!

This project was going to be the reason Jisung would finally throw himself off of a building. It was just so _stupid._ Why would anyone even think giving a project which topic they had to decide themselves to a bunch of dumbass University Students, who had no plan what the fuck was going on in life, was an acceptable and good idea? It was a definite recipe for chaos and disaster. Not thought out under any circumstances and probably written under the influence of hard alcohol. That… that wasn’t that bad of an idea, actually. Jisung already planned getting a bottle of vodka for Hyunjin and him so they could write this project while intoxicated, when Hyunjin suddenly appeared in front of him, slamming his hands on the library table and staring down at him intensely.

“Oh. Hey Hyunjin. I just had the best idea! It includes us, this project and a bottle of vodka. You in?”, Jisung, for once, spoke first and didn’t let Hyunjin get a word in, before he started babbling.

“As good as that sounds, earlier today I realised that were both idiots and-”

Jisung interrupted Hyunjin, raising an eyebrow at him incredulously. “You realised that a bit late. I knew that for months.”

“Hush. Let me talk. As I was saying, we’re both idiots and we completely forgot what the professor said to all of us when she gave is the topic.”

Jisung tried to remember what she said. Something about completing it together with your partner, not wanting to read any more single minded essays, learning from each other- Oh. That was it.

Jisung put his head in both of his hands and screamed into them before looking at Hyunjin again and complaining. “We’re so dumb. What the fuck? How did that happen? We forgot that on the first fucking day.”

“As I just said, we’re idiots. We totally forgot to communicate. That’s like the number one rule for a healthy relationship and we just went and ignored that. So let’s stop. Let’s stop just thinking about this stupid project individually and let’s talk about it.”, Hyunjin walked back and forth in front of the table Jisung was sitting at, gesturing and looking at him as if he was making a motivational speech to a bunch of people with no passion for the thing they were supposed to do. He kind of was.

Jisung straitened his shoulders and clapped his hands together. “You’re right. Oh my god. Okay, let’s talk about this shit.”

Hyunjin finally sat down across from Jisung. He pulled out his college block and pulled out several pages. He gave them to Jisung who read the title. _What love is to Hwang Hyunjin._ On it were several different things written that seemed to have correlation to each other.

“Kkami chasing squirrels. Hot showers. Cheap wine. Arrows. Little restaurant. Skiing. Post-it notes. Threats. Skirts. Lazy morning Blowjobs- Hyunjin, you can’t write that for or in an essay that’s going to be graded! What the hell is wrong with you?”, Jisung gaped at the list as he read the rest in silence. Some of it made absolutely no sense at all, no matter how you looked at it. The rest was either very cute or very freaky. Some things made Jisung shudder in fright. He really wondered what was happening in Hyunjins mind most of the time.

“Yes I can, watch me. I gave you my list now make your own. Tell me what the fuck love is to you and then we’ll talk about it in length and we can discuss what it changes and how it affected our lives or the lives of others and then we can come up with something to complete the topic sentence. It’s going to be awesome, just you wait. With an amazing list like mine we can’t go wrong.”

“Hyunjin, half of it is porn. We can’t put that in the essay, are you completely crazy?”, Jisung threw his hands up in expiration.

“You didn’t know? It’s only half, honestly I could’ve written so much more, but I had gotten the feeling you’re a bit too innocent to handle stuff like that.”

Jisung went completely red, trying to hide it from Hyunjin he put the list in front of his face. The stuff written on it made him blush even more. So he tried reading trough it again in hopes it would just go away if he got more familiar with the words. On the other hand, he really didn’t want to think about the actual actions behind them.

“Hyunjin this list makes absolutely no sense. There’s no structure and nobody could possibly know what you mean! I can only assume that there are some kind of stories behind each of those points, but we don’t have the time to go through all of them and we can’t put most-”

“But that’s the thing, Jisung! The list doesn’t need to make any sense to you! It’s mine and only I could fully understand it and it doesn’t _need to make sense to anyone._ Everyone has their own version and understandings of love. Maybe your understanding of it isn’t even a positive one, but you’ll still be able to describe it in words that only make sense to you.”, Hyunjin looked as passionate as always as he talked about this project. He was leaning forward on the table, arms crossed and eyes blazing. It kind of intimidated Jisung.

Jisung rubbed his forehead. “But this isn’t going to help us with the essay, Hyunjin.”

“Yes, it is.”, Hyunjin said, eyes still blazing at him like he was trying to imitate a deadly laser pointer.

“No, it isn’t!”

“Yes, because if we can distinguish what love is to us in the first place then we can put a finger on what it could possibly change and maybe we could even explain it in the essay so it doesn’t sound like something we wrote while we were high!”

“That’s a better idea than this! Let’s do that instead!”, Jisung nodded to himself.

“Well what’s on your list then? It’ll probably make no sense to me at all, but you need to think about what love is to you, before you can even think about what it changes.”, Hyunjin now leaned back on his chair, crossing his arms in front of his chest.

“I- My list?”, Jisungs mind short-circuited. Hyunjin seemed to have his list completely figured out. To be honest, it was mind-blowing to Jisung that Hyunjin could put into words what exactly love was to him. For him to put stories into bullet points was very unusual and Jisung didn’t know how he could even try to begin to describe what love was to him.

“Try it. Just try to blurt out words that make you feel all warm and fuzzy and happy. That’s what I did. I could’ve absolutely just wrote names down, but that would be me taking the easy way out. I needed to put down the reasons I love those names. That’s what you need to do right now.”

“You’re making no sense right now.”

“Do it.”

“Okay. Okay. God, you’re intimidating. I’ll do it. Just chill. I guess... I guess to me love is… love to me is... pink aprons… kitchens… and movie nights….bad aegyo… ice cream… reconciliation hugs… lyrics… cookie dough… hot chocolate…”, _comfort after a breakdown, late nights, a kind stranger taking care of him, countless rings on his fingers._

Jisung stopped speaking. His mind suddenly started racing. Words over words came to mind, filling with head with stories and moments and flashbacks of memories. Never stopping, just flowing to him.

“and sweater paws…”, looking in a mirror, being left blushing in front of a closed bathroom door, feeling the comfort of slightly too big clothing, protection and safety.

“and shopping carts…”, throwing things, a crushed cereal box, being buried under an unmanageable amount of sweets and snacks, countless shopping bags.

“and polaroids…”, snapping pictures at unexpected times, too much kindness, kneeling in front of him, taking his hand, wanting him to smile again, pictures over pictures filling his apartment with life and memories.

“and couches …”, cuddling, getting to know each other, introductions, greatest irrational fears, calm and excitement and feeling secure.

“and sneezes…”, tracing his face gently, poking a dimple, falling out of the bed, looking dumbfounded, Jisung laughing, him throwing himself onto Jisung, crushing him.

 _“_ and slow music…”, waking up the the sound of a camera clicking, the calm morning, preparing breakfast together, feeling the music, wanting Jeongin to feel it too, dancing together, forgetting everything around them, too close.

 _“_ and doors slamming…”, waiting for him in front of the house, grinning and waving, Jisung running down the stairs in record speed, throwing the door open, light jokes.

“and spices…”, a warm meal, effortlessly moving around a kitchen, hands full of rings and memories again.

“and sour gummy worms…”, countless study dates, eating the red ends first, _pretty things deserve to be cherished, no actually all things._

“and bus rides…”, hands intertwined and holding on tightly, sides pressed against each other, falling asleep on his shoulder, all the tension leaving his body, being awoken by a gentle voice, a finger booping his nose.

“and mashed bananas…”, hips bumping against each other, worried eyes, giggles and full on laughter, laying in his arms.

“and goodbyes…”, long hugs, not willing to let go, exchanging phone number turned to tight hugs, still not willing to let go.

“and libraries…”, absentmindedly playing with hands, making new friends, long talks, phones ringing, being scolded by a unknown girl, tight shoulders, hands on his face.

“and headphones…”, listening to the same song over and over again until the laughter dies down, cheerful music, shoulders touching.

“and bad lighting…”, late night FaceTime calls, the sun going down, white ceilings, sleeping open mouthed, screenshots and soft goodbyes.

“and animals…”, fun facts off the top of his head, learning about new ones, not being able to get over the cuteness, a squirrel, a fox.

“and layers…”, blankets, sweaters, personality, cute, strong, kind, funny, selfless, sharp, bright and so much more.

“and horoscopes…”, a never ending amount of conversation topics, little funny ways to spend the time, complaining about space.

“and being lost…”, and found again, the freshman squatting by the wall, head in his hands, screaming in a unfamiliar street late at night, a bright eyed giving him his sweater, inviting him into his home.

“and light…”, the room brightening and sharp, feline, shining eyes cutting through the darkness.”

_Jeongin._

“Fuck!”, he leaned forward to put his forehead against his closed fist, eyes clenched tightly.

“What? What the hell, Jisung? You just said we can’t put that in the essay!”, when Jisung managed to looked up at him after a few seconds of deep breathing he saw that Hyunjin had an extremely offended expression directed at him. Jisung couldn’t really focus on that right now. He needed to shut his own thoughts up as soon as possible. He needed them to go away.

“What- no! I just…I’m sorry my list probably isn’t helpful at all…”, Jisung pushed all the thought pressing on his conscious away. He couldn’t. Not right now. Not ever.

“Oh no. It was very helpful. I didn’t understand any of what you were saying! That’s great!”

“How could that be helpful?”, he was only listening with half an ear, too focused on the mess inside his head, the mess inside his heart screaming at him deafeningly.

“Because I don’t need to understand how you love. I don’t need to know why you love. You knowing is enough. If I’m being honest my idea probably isn’t even that great, but who cares! At least it’s something! So, listen-”

Hyunjin was talking, but Jisung couldn’t understand a word he was saying to him. It all faded away in the face of sharp, bright eyes assaulting his mind and the realisation that he _loved Jeongin._ As much as he tried to surpress the thought, the feelings, the irregular beating in his chest, all of it just wouldn’t go away. Jisung let out a strangled noise. Hyunjin didn’t notice and kept on talking through Jisungs internal crisis.

“… we can make that the subject of the project. Love being universal but still unique to every single one of us! Maybe the title could be “How love changes meaning.”, it says everything and nothing at the same time! It could mean how it changes the meaning of words or of definitions or of memories. Leaving it open like that could give is so many different directions to go in the essay! It’s great! Maybe it’s not that original of an idea, but we can go and compare it to some relationships in different novels or maybe even look at historical events… as I always say, the simplest solutions are the best ones! Maybe we’ll even get a passing grade!”

Jisung tried to concentrate on at least a single word Hyunjin was saying about the Project, but the realisation that he _loved_ Jeongin, that he was _in love with him_ hit him way too hard. Months and months of feelings just crashed over him like a tsunami. Damn Hyunjin.

“Yeah, Hyunjin. It’s- It’s great, really.”, Jisung said weakly.

“Perfect! How about we both flesh out some different directions we could go with this and then we’ll get together in a few days to compare notes and have a big discussion about it and then we’ll start writing this thing!”, Hyunjin was still obviously exited about finding something to finally start this project but Jisung couldn’t share the sentiment.

“Sounds like a plan ...”

Hyunjin continued chatting for a few minutes more until he left. Jisung on the other couldn’t stop staring on the empty table in front of him, eyes wide and mind racing. He was reliving every single point he had told for his list again and again, until his eyes started tearing up and his hands were shaking. He stayed there until the library closed.


	12. CHAPTER TWELVE  (eaJ - Rose)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy reading!!!

Jisung sat on the floor in his apartment, knees pulled to his chest and started at the walls in silent wonder and shame. The walls that were filled with pictures upon pictures of Jeongin. His eyes flickered from picture to picture. Jeongin cooking in his kitchen, Jeongin munching on gummy worms, Jeongin focused on revising his notes for class, Jeongin laughing, Jeongin pouting, Jeongin singing, everywhere he looked it was _Jeongin._

How hadn’t he noticed all of this? It was so incredibly obvious now, Jisung didn’t know how he managed to overlook all of these feelings. His own uncontrollable blushing around Jeongin, his ridiculous fascination with Jeongins eyes and the thoughts he often had about kissing him, for the love of god it has been so obvious this whole time. He really didn’t know how he could not notice the fact that he was completely in love with Jeongin.

Maybe it was because the feelings grew slowly, just like the pictures that became more and more over the time he has been friends with Jeongin. Maybe Jisung was just oblivious and clueless about his own feelings. Maybe he didn’t _want_ to realise. Maybe it was a way of protecting himself, so he didn’t have to think about what could happen if his feelings were revealed to Jeongin.

His first instinct was to run away. He wanted to hide from these feelings, from his own head and from everything that could possibly destroy the stable friendship Jeongin and he had built up until this moment. He so desperately wanted to just hide away in his shell, in this apartment and not let anyone hurt him. He wanted to hide himself away so he wouldn’t have to confront everything that has been laid out in front of him so clearly. He almost needed to. He could. He wanted to do it to have the time get rid of these feelings and protect the beautiful friendship he had built with Jeongin over these past few months. But he somehow got the feeling that he couldn’t get rid of his affections that easily.

In all honesty, he was so deathly afraid of being lonely again, of not having Jeongin in his life anymore that he needed to get rid of these feelings somehow. He needed them gone. Because if he held on to them, what would that mean for them? If he held on to his feelings, if he decided to tell Jeongin he would be afraid of what would happen, no matter of his response. 

If Jeongin rejected him it would mean awkwardness, slowly drifting apart and if the stars were lucky continuing a strained friendship. it would mean losing him slowly and painfully. It would mean uncomfortableness for both of them. It would mean that they couldn’t ever go back to where they are right now and Jisung was selfish. He wouldn’t lose this.

And if, by some slim chance, by some little mercy the universe provided him, Jeongin returned his feelings it would be the best thing that ever happened to Jisung. But what if they broke up? What if they grew to despise each other during the course of a relationship? What if they tried having a relationship and they realised that they were wrong about each other? What would happen then? Jisung didn’t want to think about all the possible consequences.

No matter the outcome he couldn’t risk losing him. He wouldn’t. So that’s why his first instinct was to hide away until he got rid of everything, as usual, but Jisung knew that doing so would hurt Jeongin and even more so himself. Distancing himself from someone he saw almost every day would give of obvious signals that something was wrong. Jisung couldn’t have that. It would end up with him being cornered by all of his friends, maybe together or maybe separately, and demand why he insisted on isolating himself. No, it would be a bad idea. If that happened he would be forced to admit his feelings.

So he just decided he needed to keep everything to himself, to keep it locked away in his chest, to never speak it and maybe someday he would be able to let go of them. He couldn’t risk telling someone. He would have to keep his affections for Jeongin to himself until they would go away by themselves and if they didn’t, then at least he wouldn’t drag anyone down with him. He could do that. He could love Jeongin quietly from the sidelines, he would keep loving him from afar.

Sighing, Jisung pushed himself up from the ground. He grabbed his bag and keys, slipped on his shoes and left the apartment. Left the pictures and thoughts behind. He needed to do something. He just didn’t know what would help relieve the heavy feelings that settled in his chest, but maybe if he walked somewhere without direction something would fall in front of his feet. He ended up walking into a store he had never seen before, to look for something to distract himself. Maybe something in here would help him to get rid of the constant stream of thoughts haunting his mind.

He found himself standing in a store in front of the hair colors, maybe he was channeling his inner teenage girl who always had to do something drastic to her hair whenever she was in a crisis or needed to distract herself. It would probably help. A specific color practically jumped into his sight, so he reached out to take it. Yes, he needed a change. Maybe this would help him get his head in order again. He needed this, he needed it to be a distraction from himself. He went to the register, clutching the box of dye so tightly that his knuckles turned white. He knew where he needed to go.

“Chan, I need you to fry my hair for me.”, Jisung stood in front of the door of Chan and Changbins apartment, Chan looking at him with his eyebrows furrowed in concern.

“What did you do?”

“I didn’t do anything stupid. I might, but that’s why I’m here.”, Jisung sidestepped Chan, let himself into the apartment and flung himself on the couch, where Changbin was already sitting.

“What happened? Is everything alright? Did something happen? Do I need to punch someone? Just say the word and I’ll do it.”, Changbin said, putting an arm around Jisungs shoulders.

“No. You’re not allowed to anymore. You know that, Changbin!”, Chan swatted Changbins arm.

“Details. Details. As if you wouldn’t go punching someone to defend their honour!”

“That- That was a different situation and you know it!”, Chan blushed in embarrassment.

“And I’m forever grateful, but you need to admit that you too don’t have any qualms punching someone for the people you care about.”, Changbin gave Chan a knowing look.

“Okay. Okay, I get it. You have a point. Wait- We weren’t talking about that. Jisungie, what happened?”, Chan put his hand on Jisungs shoulder, willing him to talk.

“It’s not that important. It’s just that I had an epiphany and I need a distraction so I decided to die my hair like a teenage girl in crisis.”, Jisung waved his hand at him in dismissal.

Chan and Changbin exchanged a look and turned to Jisung simultaneously, nodding at him in understanding. Jisung smiled at both of them, one after the other and got up, clapping his hands on his thighs as he did.

“Let’s go kill my hair! I’m ready to look like Chan’s ramen head.”, he walked ahead to the bathroom, not sparing his friends another glance.

“Hey!”

“You have to admit, you did kind of look like ramen.”, Changbin smirked at Chan.

“No one is asking you, Changbin.”, Chan glared at him, following Jisung into the bathroom.

As Chan silently applied the bleach to his hair, Jisung spent his time watching himself in the mirror. It was weird how much you could change in a few months. His hair was longer, almost reaching under his ears and his eye bags didn’t look as prominent as they did before. They were still there. But now they didn’t look like deep purple shadows anymore, having reached an almost blue tone, still deep and haunting but a little bit less then before. His cheeks were always chubby and that probably wouldn’t ever change, if he looked closely he thought that maybe they looked even fuller than before. It was probably from Chan’s persistent feeding. The slight wrinkles on his forehead were still there, unfortunately and he debated whether he should start using face masks. Hyunjin would probably give some of his to him.Over time he had somehow gotten used to regarding the full picture in the mirror and not just the things he despised on himself, it was a nice change.

Chan had to bleach his hair three times to get the shade of blonde they needed to continue with the color Jisung chose in the store and by the end of it his hair had split ends and looked like it had gone through hell and back. Jisung didn’t mind, his hair was long enough to cut the split ends completely off. They went to put on the actual hair dye and Chan finally spoke, after working in comforting silence for the past few hours.

“You know you can always talk to us- talk to me, right?”, Chan looked him in the eyes through the mirror.

“Yeah. I know.”, he looked back at him.

“Okay… do you want to talk about it? Maybe it’ll be good to get it out of your head.”

“I- It’s fine. It’s going to be alright, I think. I just- I thought… I’ve had a long day. And I needed to do this. That’s enough for now. When I’m ready to talk about it I know where I need to go. Don’t worry about it, Chan.”, the corners Jisungs lips turned upwards oh so slightly.

“Okay. If you say so. Just remember that we’ll always be there for you.”, Chan looked at him with that one smile that was normally only directed at Changbin. Soft smile and eyes alight with fondness.

“I know that. The same goes for me. If you ever need someone to talk to who isn’t Changbin then I’ll always be there. The same goes for him.”

Chan went to pat his head, forgetting that half of it was currently drenched in hair dye. He gasped at the wet feeling on his fingers and immediately pulled his hand away, staring at his hand that was now colored in hot pink. The look of complete and utter betrayal on Chan’s face made Jisung laugh so hard he almost fell off of the stool he was sitting on. Chan quickly went to wash his hand, but gave up after a few minutes and just continued dyeing Jisungs hair, shaking his head at himself.

“Cheer up, Chan. It’s going to wash out in a few days. Until then you’ll just look like you sacrificed something in a satanic ritual.”, Jisung grinned at him.

“Shut up.”, in response Jisung mimed zipping and looking his lips, throwing the key into the bathtub right after.

After they washed the hair dye out, Chan started cutting off his dead ends, claiming he couldn’t let a child of his walk around like that. Jisung complied, fully aware that no argument could stop him. When he finally finished Jisungs hair, he went to the kitchen to make all of them a quick dinner, leaving Jisung to himself in the now dirty bathroom. He quickly put away all the towels on the ground and tried cleaning the dye on the counter.

When everything looked remotely clean Jisung turned back to the mirror and regraded himself in it again. Outside of the bathroom he heard Changbin laughing loudly from outside and Chan scolding him immediately, a few beats after that only silence. In the mirror this time he only saw a head of pink hair and matching cheeks. Maybe, just maybe if he wore his feelings on his head he wouldn’t ever need to speak them out loud. Jisung smiled at himself in the mirror. He could do this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was debating if I should make Jisung isolate himself from everyone, but I’ve had enough of self isolation with corona virus floating around in the air like an overexcited deadly bumble bee.


	13. CHAPTER THIRTEEN (NF - If You Want Love)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy!!

Ignoring his feelings for Jeongin was turning out to be much harder than Jisung had anticipated. Now that he realised them, all the things he hadn’t noticed these last few moths were being thrown into his face without a pause for him to breathe. 

The pictures that littered both his and Jeongins apartment, the emoji filled text messages he got throughout the day from Jeongin, the songs that reminded him of Jeongin, his own lyrics were infused with his feelings for the bright eyed boy. There wasn’t any chance of escape from his feelings. Jisung hadn’t noticed how much time he has come to spend with Jeongin and it took him everything not to scream in frustration at himself every minute he spent with him. Jeongin was making it _so hard_ for him to ignore his feelings for him.

It has been two weeks since the day he worked on the project with Hyunjin and to Jisung it was like those two weeks stretched on and on for centuries. Jisung desperately held onto his fear of letting his feelings see the light of the day. It would just unnecessarily complicate things. He wouldn’t _ever_ want to pressure Jeongin into something and he was so _afraid_ of losing him that he just let the feelings eat him inside out.

But in the time they’ve spent with each other Jeongin had become such an integral part of Jisungs life that there wasn’t any chance of hiding or pushing down from his feelings. He _needed_ to push them down. He had to. But that was easier said then done when he spent such a big part of his free time with the object of his affections. It was slowly driving him crazy.

He tried so, _so much_ not to let himself fall deeper. He tried so hard not to notice the warmth in his chest when he hugged him, when Jeongin was in his presence. Jisung tried so hard not to imagine what it would be like to be with him. He tried so, so goddamn hard not to stare at Jeongin like he was the best thing that ever walked the earth. Which he was to Jisung, but he couldn’t let him know. Not now. Not ever.

That’s how he found himself in this situation. He was having a movie night with Jeongin and Jisung tried so hard not to fall into the habits he had built over the last months. He tried not to touch Jeongin unnecessarily, he tried not to look at Jeongins profile that was illuminated prettily by the light coming from the television, he tried not to stare at those _damn sparkly eyes._ Who even allowed eyes to be so sparkly? It was like someone in the universe decided to create them, just to make Jisungs life more complicated that it already was.

In order not to stare at Jeongin creepily he resorted to glaring down at his own hands in his lap like they personally offended him. They kind of did. His hands itched to reach out and take Jeongins in his and to never let go again. Jisung clamped his hand together, making his fingers turn red slowly. His hands stared aching.

When the movie credits stared rolling, Jeongin bumped his shoulder against Jisungs own, making him look up into bright eyes that were filled with worry. He couldn’t look away. It was like he saw him for the first time all over again. He remembered thinking the kind stranger with the bright eyes looked very pretty. By now he had realised that Jeongin was so much _more._ He held so much more in him than Jisung could’ve ever imagined and every new thing he had learned about Jeongin over time was just another thing that deepened his feelings for him. He was breathtaking in every way.

Jisung didn’t ask why Jeongin bumped him to get his attention, too enraptured by him after forcing himself to look away from him for too long. Jisung unclamped his hands. Jeongins eyes narrowed and his lips pressed together briefly, before he went and broke the silence.

“What’s wrong with you?”

“Nothing. Nothing at all! I’m fine.”, Jisung hastily said, waiving his hand in front of him in dismissal and turned back to the television where the credits were still rolling.

“You’re being very weird.”, there was something in his voice Jisung couldn’t quite place. It made him look back to Jeongin.

“Why- What do you mean?”, Jisung asked wide eyed. Had he noticed something?

“You won’t even look at me… at all… Did I do something wrong?”, Jeongin looked down at his hands.

Panicked, Jisung quickly took Jeongins hands in his own so he would look at him again. “No, no you didn’t do anything wrong! You’re perfect, really!”

“But why won’t you look at me then? Is something going on?”, his eyes looked so sad, Jisung almost wanted to look away again.

“No! Everything is alright. I’m just- I’m just thinking about some things.”, Jisung forced himself to keep looking Jeongin in the eyes. It hurt but he needed Jeongin to not worry about him. When he felt like he got the message across to him, Jisung looked down at their joined hands and for a second the only thing he felt was the warmth that emitted from Jeongins hands to his own. He held onto that feeling, willing the fear and the shame and the longing away. There was a time and place for that later.

“Okay… do you want to talk about it?”

“No. It’s nothing, don’t worry.”, Jisung tried to get his voice to come out at a conversational tone but in the end merely a whisper came out of his mouth.

“Are you sure? We can talk about it if you want to.”, Jeongins grip tightened on his hands.

“I just said that it’s nothing. I really don’t want to talk about it.”, this time Jisungs voice came out harsher than expected. He didn’t want Jeongin to know. He couldn’t know. If he knew… no, Jisung didn’t allow himself to think about it. Jeongin wouldn’t ever get know about Jisungs feelings for him.

“Oh…”

The hurt in Jeongins eyes ripped something in Jisungs own chest. He already knew he never wanted to hurt Jeongin, but right now he was stressed and afraid and tried so carefully not to let his feelings out so he unconsciously snapped at him. “I’m- I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to sound so harsh. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to. I just- I need to- It’s really nothing. I’m so sorry, Jeongin.”

Jisungs eyes teared up slightly, but he quickly blinked it away. Jeongin couldn’t know. He shouldn’t worry about him. Jisung had to keep everything deep inside of him, locked away for no one to see and he couldn’t, under any circumstances, expose his feelings for Jeongin. Even if he had to continue doing this to himself.

“Okay, if you say so.”, Jeongin didn’t loosen his grip on Jisungs hands.

After that there were a few beats of silence between them, just looking at each other trying to disconcert what the other was thinking. Jisung swallowed and let Jeongins hands go to stretch his arms wide open, grinning slightly.

“Cuddles?”

“Yes, please.”, Jeongin immediately settled against Jisung, arms wrapped tightly around his waist and head buried in his shoulder. Jisung could feel Jeongin breathing against his neck. It tickled. He let out a soft giggle and let himself play with the hair in Jeongins neck.

“Did I tell you that I really like your new hair color?”, Jeongin asked after a few minutes of them just laying there.

“Only about five hundred times.”, Jisung poked Jeongin in the side gently.

“Not enough times...”, Jeongin huffed and then turned his head to look at Jisung. “You never actually told me why you dyed it this particular color.”

Jisungs mind raced, trying to find a way to tell him he dyed it in Jeongins favourite color for him, for Jisungs feelings for him, for Jisungs own sanity and because he couldn’t ever possibly tell Jeongin that he was in love with him. He couldn’t tell him that it was a way for him to show his feelings, to let them out of his chest while simultaneously locking them in his heart.

“It just felt right.”

Jeongins eyes looked over his face searchingly. What he was looking for, Jisung didn’t now and he didn’t care to ask, too tired from everything going on around and inside him to wonder what the look in Jeongins eyes meant.

A few days later they were at the library again. Jisung was stretched thin. Between finals, his brother bothering him about his upcoming wedding and suppressing his own feelings for the boy currently sitting in front of him it felt like Jisung didn’t get a second to really _breathe._ How could it be that the moment he realised everything the feelings started suffocating him, demanding to be let out. The fight was draining out of him by the second, but Jisung held on desperately. He held onto his fear of losing Jeongin. He couldn’t ever lose him.

He looked at Jeongin. He was submerged in his class work, absentmindedly munching in the blue ands of the sour gummy worms in front of him, dressed in an old, oversized sweater and with deep purple shadows under his eyes. Even right now, looking exhausted, he took Jisungs breath away. Just like that. The urge Jisung felt to just reach out and touch him was overwhelming. He almost did.

“I need to go to the bathroom real quick. Be right back.”, Jisung gasped out, pushing his chair back.

“Is everything alright?”, Jisung looked up at him, eyebrows furrowed in worry.

“I think there was something wrong with my lunch…”, it was a weak excuse, but it was the only he could think of right now, his mind clouded with the need to get out.

Seconds later stood there in the empty bathroom, in front of the mirror, gripping the dirty sink, looking down at his white knuckles. _Breathe,_ he told himself. _Just breathe, Jisung._ He gasped out. As much as he tried to keep everything in, his feelings just wouldn’t stay where they was supposed to be.

“That sink is dirty, I wouldn’t touch- Jisung?”, Jisung looked up at where the voice that interrupted his crisis came from.

Seungmin stood in the doorway, head tilted and his eyebrow raised at him. Jisung let go of the sink and straightened his shoulders, gathering himself. He tried smiling at Seungmin.

“Hey. Weird place to meet, huh?”, Jisung said, his voice came out a bit shaky.

“Why on earth were you gripping that disgusting sink. It’s unsanitary.”, Seungmin’s disgusted look turned from the sink to Jisungs hands. “You need to disinfect those. Like right now.”

Jisung looked around for something to clean his hands with, but there was nothing. No soap, no paper towels and definitely no disinfectant. Looking back at Seungmin he saw him holding out a travel sized bottle of disinfectant so Jisung wordlessly took it, squeezed a big glop of it on his hands and rubbed it in.

“What were you holding that sink for anyways?”, Seungmin’s eyebrow was raised again. It seemed like a habit. Hopefully it wouldn’t give him wrinkles.

“I needed to… hold onto something?”, Jisung shrugged his shoulders helplessly.

“Why?”, Seungmin demanded. He looked like he would beat the answer out of Jisung if he wouldn’t tell him.

“I just needed a second to let myself breathe.”

Seungmin’s piercing stare was making him nervous and just as he was about to tell him to stop, Seungmin smiled at him.

“So, you finally realised you’re in love with him?”, at Seungmin’s casual question Jisung choked on his own spit. “Oh, please. You’re so oblivious it isn’t even funny anymore. Just-”

“Don’t you dare tell him.”, Jisung pointed his finger at him and Seungmin looked back at him incredulously.

“What? Why wouldn’t you want him to know? He’s-”

“No. You can’t. I can’t have him know. You can’t tell him. _Please._ Who knows what would happen if he knew? God, I don’t even want to think about it. Unfortunately that’s been all I think about lately…”, Jisungs shoulders sagged.

“Honestly. You can just tell him, seeing as he is-”

“No! Seungmin, please. He can’t know. I can’t lose him. I really can’t.”, Jisung looked Seungmin in the eyes and somehow that made Seungmin stop protesting his decision. Maybe it was the desperation in his eyes.

“Oh.”, Seungmin looked at him wide eyed.

“So _please,_ do me a favour and don’t tell him about me being in love with him.”

“You’re stupid, but okay. But I get a favour in return.”, Seungmin said.

“Okay?”, Jisung reluctantly nodded. “I’m sorry, I need to go back… I’ve been here way to long. Jeongin probably thinks I have constipation or something.”

“Yeah. Yeah, get back…”

When Jisung left he heard Seungmin mumbling to himself. It kind of sounded like _“Stupid. The both of them. How do I do this?”,_ but Jisung didn’t want to think about what happened in there anymore. He just let it be. At the table Jeongin smiled at him when he saw Jisung returning.

“Everything all right again?”

“Yeah. I’m good.”, Jisung smiled back.

And as Jeongins eyes crinkled back at him he knew he made the right decision in keeping his feelings to himself. He would keep everything locked away tightly. This way Jeongin would be content even if Jisung himself couldn’t breathe properly anymore.


	14. CHAPTER FOURTEEN (Vancouver Sleep Clinic - Someone to Stay)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OMG, THIS IS IT MY PEOPLE.
> 
> ENJOY IT!!!

Jisung was in the library with Hyunjin, putting the finishing touches on their project paper. If he was completely honest it was not the best they could have done, but both their minds were elsewhere so they didn’t try to go deeper into the topic than they already did. It wasn’t bad by any means, it just wasn’t that good. They would probably pass, but an A was not to be seen anywhere on the horizon, in Jisungs opinion.

The year was almost over and Jisung was ready to just drop dead. Or at least to sleep for like a week. Whichever came first. He probably wouldn’t get to sleep for a week or die because Chan would drag him to eat dinner at theirs either way. Jisung sighed. He just wanted some time to relax. Maybe even go back to his childhood home and try to sort through his feelings.

It would maybe help him to finally get rid of this pressing need he had to be close to Jeongin, of his need to be with him. He knew it was hopeless trying to get rid of the love and affection he had for Jeongin and he knew didn’t want to get rid of that part. He just didn’t want to feel so _overwhelmed_ by it. If he could get rid of the impulse he got to reach out to him, to hold him close and finally surrender to his feelings it would be easier for Jisung to just continue living his live loving Jeongin in silence. It would be better that way.

Jisung was currently trying to convince Hyunjin to leave his sex life out of their paper. But Hyunjin was adamant that it was an essential part of the essay, that putting it in would surely give them an A and that their professor would greatly enjoy reading all about his sex life, seeing as putting it in brought diversity and excitement to it. Jisung was close to hitting Hyunjin over the head with the lanky boys own laptop. That’s when his phone suddenly rang. He picked it up to look who was calling. The breath got caught in Jisungs throat.

 _Jeongin._ He quickly took the call, the phone almost slipping out of his hands.

“Hey. Can we meet?”, Jeongin sounded nervous. Jisung heard it even trough the phone. It worried him.

“Right now?”, Jisung looked at Hyunjin who mouthed to ask him _“Who is it?”. “Jeongin.”_ , Jisung mouthed back. Hyunjin nodded and went back to furiously tipping on his laptop.

“Yeah. Please.”, Jeongins voice still sounded incredibly nervous and Jisung worried even more. Has something happened? Was he hurt?

“Okay. Where are you?”

“On Campus, you?”, Jisung tapped Hyunjin shoulder as Jeongin spoke. He pointed at the exit while he mouthed _“I’m stepping out. I’ll be back in a minute.”_. In response Hyunjin just nodded and waved his hand at him in dismissal.

“I’m at the Library with Hyunjin. We’re working on the project right now, but he said I can step out for a minute. I’ll meet you in front of it?”, Jisung stood up abruptly, the chair almost crashing to the ground.

“Okay. I’m on my way. I’ll be there in a second.”, Jeongin sounded breathless. Maybe he was running. Or at least speed walking, somehow that worried Jisung even more.

Jisung hung up the call and walked out as quickly as he could towards the exit without disturbing anyone in the library. When he arrived in front of the library entrance he stood on his tiptoes, craned his neck and looked across campus if he could see Jeongin anywhere. When he didn’t see him he made his way down the stairs.

Jisung shifted his balance nervously from foot to foot, worried that something might have happened to Jeongin. It was unexpected for him to want to see him so suddenly. Normally Jeongin would text him if he wanted to meet up, so the call was worrying enough but the fact that Jeongin sounded nervous during the call made all the alarms ring in Jisungs head.

When he came into sight Jisung was surprised to see him almost sprinting, so Jisung quickly crossed the path to him. Jisung looked him over, searching for any sign of him being hurt or at least distressed. He only looked out of breath. Jeongin was leaning on his own knees, trying to catch his breath and Jisung patted his back as if that would help him get his breathing back under control. After a few minutes Jeongin straightened his back and looked at Jisung. He looked determined. Jeongin took a step towards Jisung so they were almost standing chest to chest.

“You were really weird these past few weeks and I thought maybe you found out about my feelings for you and didn’t like what you discovered, but Seungmin said I should confess just to know for sure.”, Jeongins bright eyes bore into him and Jisung couldn’t step back from him. As Jeongins words registered in his brain all the breath left his lungs. He stood there, not able to answer just looking at Jeongin.

“Your feelings for… me? You- You like me?”, Jisung pointed at himself disbelievingly. Then he looked around, searching for someone to hold a camera and to tell him this was a prank, maybe Seungmin. Damn it. This was probably his fault. He would scold him later for meddling.

Jeongin took Jisungs face in both of his hands, making Jisung look straight into his eyes. Those eyes that were filled with determination and still held a certain kind of softness. “No. I’ve liked you before we met. I’ve liked you in the very beginning of this. Right now, I’m in love with you. I’m so, so fucking in love with you.”

“You just cursed.”, Jisungs mind couldn’t properly function with Jeongins face so close to his own.

“That’s what you focus on?”, Jeongins eyes bore into Jisung. He tried taking a step back, but Jeongins hands held him in place.

“Yes. You never curse!”, Jisung almost yelled and curiously Jeongin didn’t look surprised at his outburst.

“That’s not important right now! What is important right now is that I want to know why you’ve been so fucking weird these last few weeks. What is important right now is that I’m confessing and I want to know exactly how you feel about me, because this game of guessing your feelings is driving me insane.”

“But why do you keep cursing?”, Jisung said, still not able to believe that he would curse just like that. His brain had registered Jeongins confession, but Jisung thought he would combust if he focused on that. Jeongin was still _way too close to his face._

“No, don’t focus on that. I’m telling you that I’m in love with you!”

“I-”, Jisung tried to say anything. Something. Nothing would come out of his mouth.

“Just tell me _please_. What do you feel?”, Jeongin whispered to him.

He sounded afraid. He sounded as afraid as Jisung was these last few weeks and it left his throat feeling constricted. He didn’t want Jeongin to sound like that ever again. He _needed_ Jeongin to smile and laugh and continue shining. Jisungs own fear was still there, in the very front of his brain and he couldn’t get rid of the thought what would happen if this all ended badly. 

_Fuck it, I still need to tell him. He deserves that much._ , his mind whispered. So Jisung took a deep breath and faced Jeongins gaze head on.

“I- I’m in love with you. I’m in love with you too, but we can’t. What if-”, Jisungs words started out strong, but got quieter with every single word he spoke. Jeongins eyes flashed at his words and his grip tightened slightly on Jisungs face. It made him dizzy, so he reached out to steady himself on something. His hands ended up holding onto Jeongins shirt.

“No. No! I won’t hear it. No doubts. I’m in love with you. I want to be with you and I’m not planning on ever leaving you. So _don’t doubt_ _this_ _please_.”, those last words, Jeongin begging him not to doubt for once hit something in him. His shoulders sagged. He nodded at Jeongin jerkily.

“I- okay. Okay.”, Jisung breathed out.

“I’m going to kiss you now.”

After those words left his lips Jeongin didn’t give him the time to form an appropriate response, not that he would be able to come up with anything that made sense ,because Jeongins hands that were still resting on Jisungs face were so unbelievably warm and it made him stupid.

Jeongin leaned in and Jisung finally surrendered. Jisung reached his head up and closed the last few centimetres between them. Jeongins lips felt soft against his own chapped ones and everything made sense. The fear of losing him, the doubts and the frustration trickled out of him. Jisung reached out, put his hand on Jeongins neck and pulled him _closer to him._ For the first time.

Jisung let himself get lost in the feeling of Jeongins lips on his own. But here and now, doing this he found everything he didn’t know he had searched for in Jeongin. It felt like coming _home._ _Finally._

When they finally pulled apart they were only millimetres apart, their breaths and hearts intermingling. Jisung didn’t open his eyes, too disoriented and relieved by the reality that he had finally done what he longed for ever since the evening they first laid in Jisungs bed just taking each other in.

After letting himself feel everything that he had been supressing for weeks on end he finally managed to open his eyes and the moment his eyes fluttered open he found Jeongins eyes directly in front of him. For once it wasn’t too close. This time it wasn’t close enough, but he held still, just looking at those _impossibly bright eyes_ that caught his breath and lit up the street the first time he had properly seen them.

He had half the mind to just pull Jeongin back into another kiss when he remembered that they were standing in the middle of campus and he was supposed to be working on the project and that he had just ditched Hyunjin to do the work all by himself. By the time he would return Hyunjin had probably infused all the details of his sex life he could think of in the essay.

“I still need to finish that project with Hyunjin…”, Jisung whispered to Jeongin, afraid of breaking the moment.

“You’re leaving me so soon after our first kiss?”, Jisung could feel Jeongin pouting. _Still not close enough._

“…No.”

Jeongin smiled at him and everything Jisung could see were those damn sparkly eyes. The rest of the world seemed insignificant right now and Jisung did the only thing he could think of.

He pulled Jeongin into another kiss. He pulled Jeongin closer to him, holding onto him tightly, forgetting about the by now ruined project paper, Hyunjin, the campus and all the students around them. It was just them. _Just_ _home._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Honestly, I think I got a bit dramatic in this chapter, but I’ve been dramatic this whole fic... so I guess it’s okay🥰  
> The epilogue will be some little glimpses into their relationship 🥺👌


	15. CHAPTER FIFTEEN (HONNE - Me & You)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy reading!!

They were sitting in one of the music producing rooms of the University. Jisung looked at Jeongin, kneading his hands nervously as Jeongin looked at him wide eyed.

“This is for me? Really?”, Jeongin sounded breathless.

“Yeah. I wrote it for you. Remember the bus ride when we first met, how I told you I would write a trot song just for you?”

Jisung remembered it like it was yesterday even if it was over a year ago. They had shared headphones that day, just like the thousand times after that and Jisung had already been thinking of lyrics for this song in that particular moment. Some of them even made it in the song.

“Yes of course I remember. You were so cute. Staring at me like I was the eighth world wonder. I almost kissed you then and there.”, Jeongin leaned over to pinch Jisungs chubby cheeks. His ears got hot.

“Stop, please. I’m trying to tell you something.”, Jisung said as he swatted Jeongins hand away from his face lightly. Jeongin just smirked at him and continued flustering him.

“Do you remember the next day how you fell asleep on my shoulder? It was adorable. I think you snored a little.”

“Oh my god. Stop- I. Oh my god. I wanted to tell you how I’ve been working on this since then and how it’s finally finished and a masterpiece.”, Jisungs blush was getting uncomfortably hot. It was ridiculous how flustered he would still get after months of dating.

Jeongin shook his head and reached for Jisungs phone, easily getting in and looking through the songs he had on there to find the one Jisung had written specifically for him. “I’ll have to make sure it really is. Let me listen to it again.”

“No! You listened to it like twenty times already! Go get in the sound booth and sing!”, Jisung snatched the phone out of his hands and made him get up from the office chair he was sitting on.

“It was only eighteen times.”, Jeongin said matter-of-factly.

“That’s still enough. Don’t you want to sing the song? I poured my entire heart into it, just for you!”, Jisung pouted at him, trying to channel his inner Changbin aegyo into the action.

Jeongin narrowed his eyes at Jisungs pouting lips and went to pat his head. “Okay. Okay, stop pouting or I’ll counterattack!”

“Oh my god, please don’t pout at me or I’ll die.”, Jisung clutched his shirt dramatically, making Jeongin laugh.

“No, you won’t. You wouldn’t die before I sing this song.”

“I might, if you continue dragging this out.”, Jisung shooed him into the sound booth.

“Okay, I’m going!”, but before he went in Jeongin dropped a quick peck on Jisungs cheek, leaving him there with blush heating up his cheeks and ears again.

**

It was Jisungs birthday. They were currently at Chan and Changbins for a small get together with all their friends, but Jeongin had pulled him into the kitchen with Chan shouting after them that Jisung wasn’t allowed to touch anything in there, under any circumstances. Without a word Jeongin pushed a packaged gift into his hands.

“What’s this?”, Jisung inspected it. It kind of felt familiar in his hands.

“It’s your birthday and this is my gift for you.”, Jeongin nodded at Jisung decidedly.

“That would make sense.”, Jisung nodded back at him and went back to looking at the gift in his hands. Jeongin clapped his hands together, startling Jisung. Thankfully he had a firm grip on the gift.

“Open it!”

So Jisung ripped away the gift paper to find a familiar camera staring back at him. The same one Jeongin tried to gift him back when they first met.

“Is that-”

“Yeah. It’s a used one, so don’t worry about the money I payed for it.”, Jeongin chuckled at his own joke. Jisung just stared at him in disbelief.

“Oh my god. You’re ridiculous. I love you so much.”, he leaned over to give him a short kiss.

“I know.”, Jeongin said, making Jisung stop halfway. Jeongin looked confused that he didn’t receive the kiss. “What?”

“Say it back!”

Jeongin took a step forward until they stood chest to chest. He took a moment to just look Jisung in the eye, knowing the effect they had on him. Then he leaned in and whispered into his ear. “I love you.”

Jisung waited a second and leaned away so they were eye to eye, smirking at Jeongin. “I know.”

“Now, that’s just mean.”, Jeongin whined.

“Don’t dish out what you can’t take.”, Jisung sing-songed.

“I’m taking this back.”, Jeongin reached out to take the camera, but Jisung pulled it back and held it close to his chest.

“No! It’s mine now!”, he glared at Jeongin playfully.

**

Jisung sat on the ground in his apartment, just staring at the ground. There was nothing in him. He felt absolutely nothing. So he just sat there, staring at the ground. His front door opened, but he didn’t look up. He already knew who it was.

“Jisungie…”, Jisung looked at Jeongin, smiling slightly at him. _Home was here._

Jeongin settled beside him on the ground, not touching him, just letting him know he was there if Jisung needed him.

“Is it getting bad again?”, Jeongin asked quietly.

“Yeah… I’m sorry…”, Jisung whispered back at him.

“You have nothing to be sorry about. Come here.”, Jeongin pulled Jisung into his arms. “That’s what we do. We take care of each other.”

Jisung was grateful that Jeongin was here, providing warmth. They stayed like that for a long time, just sitting on the ground with their arms around each other. When it was time for dinner Jeongin made Jisung sit at the table as he cooked something quick, his rings clinging together as he did so. The rhythm soothed Jisung.

“I actually wanted to ask you something…”, Jeongin said as he put the plate in front of Jisung

“Hmm?”, Jisung couldn’t answer, his cheeks stuffed too full of the food he was already shoving into his mouth.

“Do you want to move in with me?”, Jeongin blurted out at him.

“What?”

“I asked if you wanted to move in with me?”, Jeongin actually looked a bit nervous about asking him. He shouldn’t have to. They’ve been together for almost two years by now.

“I’d love to.”, Jisung smiled and Jeongin smiled back at him, eyes shining brightly.

Silence settled around them as they ate their food. Suddenly Jeongin stopped before he could fill his fork again and pointed it at Jisung.

“We’re going to have to get a bigger bed.”

“No. Your bed is perfect. This way I have an excuse to cuddle you.”, Jisung said, not looking up from his food.

“You just want to suffocate me.”, Jeongin whined.

“No, I want to love you! Why won’t you accept my love?”, Jisung whined back at him in an over exaggerated tone.

“Aw, you’re cute. But we’re still getting a bigger bed.”, Jeongin went back to eating.

“Goddamn it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It’s the end. What do I do now? (Kidding, I have like 7 other fics i started.... yeah)
> 
> I really hoped you enjoyed reading all of this, thank you for taking the time to do so and have a nice day (or night, who am I kidding, we’re all reading fanfic at like 2 in the morning)💕💕💕

**Author's Note:**

> Sooooo....  
> As a closing remark I wanted to tell you that I’ll probably make this a series for multiple rare pairings in the same universe. There will be side stories and so on and so forth so stay tuned for that!
> 
> Thank you for taking the time to read this! See you soon!!


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